"ASU Decadence"

by Joshua M. Oryhon

Recently, one of the best weekends in history went down. Being that I am one of the only people who still contain braincells in their heads after it, I figured that I would detail the happenings of
1. night at someplace other than Pauly's
2. Kegs 'n' Eggs
3. etc.

Thursday Night - March 15
The night got underway as Flanny and I bought some liquid courage and walked over to Rossy's house. Neither of us had actually been there before, so we stood on the sidewalk for 15 minutes until Rossy and Baker showed up from the store.
Roll call was taken:
Jeff "Rossy" Ross
Dan "Asslove" Baker
Robert "The Bobby" Bedford
Brian "Manuel" Flanagan
Bobby's friend and brother
Brendan "Oh look guys, I Just Bought A New Mustang" Brader
John "Oh look guys, My Roomie Just Bought A New Mustang"
Brian "JD" Dowd
Scott "The Day That I Got 'Quote Of The Day' Was The Best Day Of My Life - I Called My Parents" Solomon

We chilled at Rossy's, watching NCAA tournament basketball, and listening to all of the Arnold Schwartznegger skits on "Opie and Anthony". The plan was to go someplace other than Pauly's, and attend Jillian's, which was supposed to be a hep place downtown.

We took two cars; Brader's Mustang and Solomon's "Tib". That 10 people crammed into cars that could only seat up to 9 comfortably. That odd man out, in Solomon's car, was me. I endured harsh physical pain riding down. And Scott decided to find all the holes in the road.

Jillian's was not hopping whatsoever. We walked in, got stamped and went upstairs to the what I think was called the "Groove Shack". That was a bad sign. About 30 people were there, and it consisted of middle aged men trying to pick up busted college girls. Scott Solomon offered me 10 dollars to go shake my groove thang in one of the vacant cages, and I took him up on his offer. The place went wild, and we decided to make our exit.

We arrived at Pauly's, met up with George and his friends, Creaner and JK. We did the normal thing. Three o'clock rolled around and Brader, John, Flanny and I made our weekly trip to Dirty Dan's. A normal end to a day.

Friday Night - March 16
"The Diamond One" Dave Totten and I made our way to Happy Hour at around 5:30 to meet up with Mikey Rich, John Ledenhiem, Chad "The Velvet King", and other notable others. Various other friends of ours had gone to Happy Hour at Sadie's and they said that they would meet up with us. While we were hanging out sipping quarter beers, Tim "OB" O'Brien rolled in. We are always glad to see OB and we got rather loud upon his entrance. Eventually, Bill "Ho" Newport, and the people from the night before rolled in. We held down Pauly's in typical ASU Geto Boy-style. Highlight of the night - the beer fight between Mikey and John that Billy Ho started. Both of them left soaked. Long story short, Flanny, Billy, Mikey and some others left, leaving me talking to a girl that I knew from a Russian Literature class. I didn't head home until 330. And that wasn't wise considering that Kegs 'n' Eggs started at 8 the next morning.

Saturday All Day - March 17
I got up at 6am and called Billy Ho to get the St. Patrick's Day Festivities underway. I'm not Irish, nor do I pretend to be, but Kegs 'n' Eggs is Kegs 'n' Eggs. I went to 264 Western Ave - the former Jewish Frat House - to meet up with Billy, Bobby, Dan and whomever else. We toddled over to the Pike frat house for some pregaming before the 8am door opening. The Pike was crazy, with beer being sprayed everywhere, and complete anarchy going down. Diamond Dave, Fat Chad and Taj all rolled up at a later time. As soon as Taj walked in, he was greeted with a beer tap to the face, and that was just the beginning. Pike pledges were positioned in the front of the long line at The Post, so we didn't have too much difficulty getting in. We paid our 10 bucks and made it in by 815. We met up with other people from the previous nights. Pitchers were exorbitantly expensive, so we were pretty bummed. Very expensive beer was being sprayed everywhere and shirts were being ripped off. We endured much beer in the face and clothes, and the ripping of shirts by Taj and Big Gay Dan. Most of us left The Post at around 1030. George, his friends and I went back to my house, where we tried to convince Chad "OOPALOUS" to come out of his cage, but to no avail. We watched the ever up-beat movie "Kids" and chilled out. After the film the assembled put on clean clothes of mine and ventured to the Alumni Quad for a little down-home free dorm food. We met up with Brian "Manuel" Flanagan there and enjoyed some French Toast and Mozzarella Sticks. George and his friends went back down to the campus, while Flanny and I ventured to 264 Western for some more boozing. Walking in, we found at that Billy had gotten 50 dollars of beer confiscated and his ID taken. That was quite a downer. We watched Ghostbusters 2 and Billy take on anyone in any Power Pad games for original Nintendo. We then decided to meet up with Rossy and Bobby at Pauly's and the Albany St. Patrick's Day Parade. Pauly's was packed and the open container law was waived, so we drank in the street during the parade. After it's finale, we trudged back to 264 having a snow ball fight and trying to steal bikes. Bobby bought 36 beers and we chilled out some more, until Diamond Dave's party later that night. At 264 we witnessed Ledenhiem trying to pick up JK's ex-girlfriend by the use of these fucking gay pick-up lines:
"You have the nicest eyes I've seen in years."
"Get this girl a beer - she's got a broken heart."
"Do you take it in the butt?"
"Do you spit or swallow?"
It was the most pathetic thing I have ever seen in my life. Rossy, Bobby, Flanny and I had to leave the room every time the kid even opened his mouth. I had a headache from laughing so much; Bobby and I decided to set out for Diamond's. Diamond's party was a good time, the ever-favorite Road Runner juice, a keg, and other delicacies were pressent. George walked in with like 78 girls, therefore eliminating the "Sausage Fest" factor. Bobby had the brilliant idea of getting out cake icing and writing out words on our forearms. The idea was supposed to be that you get people (definitely girls) to lick the stuff off your arm. It's actually a fool-proof way to hook up. Well, in this case it went over like a fart in church. I ended up licking my own arm, and then picking hairs out of my teeth. It was a low point, I can tell you that. Following that, some girls told me that they would rather have me jump off a cliff than hook up with me. I took that like a champ. People started to filter down to Pauly's for some more boozing, but I covinced George and his 2 friends to accompany me on my trip even further downtown to Drew's party. It wasn't supposed to get started until 1 or 2am, so we had time to walk down. After enduring the cold without a coat (George's friend had it on) and the complaints of "are we there yet", we finally arrived. That party was just getting started, and the fridge was stocked with Killian's. George and his friends caught a cab home after saying hello. My good pal Kevin rolled in soon thereafter. We boozed it up hardcore and proceeded to piss off a lot Theater people. It was all in good fun. We called some kid an oger, and other silliness. Long long long story short, Kevin and I broke out of there at 530 with pockets full of brew. Back home at 6 and just as the sun was coming up. That was a fine 24 hours. damn it feels good to be a gangster.