Tale of The Mystery Responder

There once was this Mystery Responder who came to a peaceful webpage and started shit with everyone. He went about his ways for awhile, shouting out aimless insults that couldn't have made a higher than fucking mental retard laugh. He pissed off all the Krack Staff, and his doom was inevitably near.

Soon he finally got laid by a $3 hooker after his trip to the IceHouse where he tried to mack it to 14 year olds with IDs, but his only result was getting kicked in the balls. This made him feel like a man... So he raced home on his GT Mach One BMX bike, and flew to the computer! In between his routine of rubbing out a floaty while staring at his favorite porn site, he wrote what proved to be his last transmission on this webpage. He told the staff that they weren't shit, and he revealed his name. He was now the Responder because it was no longer a mystery.

Think of the scene in "Office Space" when the three guys are about to cream the shit out of the fax machine - "Die Motherfuck Die" by the Geto Boys is playing. That's what it looked like when the Krack Staff Komrades arrived at the house of the Mystery Responder. First one to arrive at the scene is CanMan. CanMan was escorted by 2 very naked lesbians (friends of his), and a TPX Little League Bat. 32 inches, 23 onces. Good and light for high swing speeds. As soon as Responder zipped up his pants and opened the door, his jaw hit the floor. "Woooowwwwww, are those real boobies," he asked of the women. CanMan's childish decoy proved to be the trick because just as Responder was about to touch his first tittie in his 23 years of exsistence on this planet, CanMan beat him upside the head. Just as Responder's head hit the floor, Weston pulled up in his '64. Along with Jason was his tag team partner, Gilman. These two do hold the Intercontinental Belt, and it was quite obvious that Responder had no shot of victory. Responder staggered to his feet... "Woooowww, are you guys wearing the tights pants and Speedos like they do on TV?" That was enough to set the rage in Weston off. The moves came so fast, that I cannot explain them to you. It was a fury of rights, lefts, jabs, hooks, body slams, DDT's, Rock Bottoms and god only know what else. Just as Responder began to accept the trade off of being able to rub skin with another human, Weston easily tosses him to Gilman. Responder now lying face up on his walk way when Gilman goes Old School and gives the motherfucker the "EarthQuake." Hasn't been seen in years. At about this time is when I arrive. I didn't feel much like getting dirty, and with most of the beating down, I didn't need to. I pulled down my pants, and with a little modification of The Million Dollar Man, I shit in his mouth. Josh Oryhon could only look on with pride in his blood. Look at the Empire he has created. A wrecking crew. Intervention certainly would not occur again.

-ChrisO