As promised to all those who didn't have the extreme luck to attend Shitty's birthday weekend, this Short Story will hopefully fill you in on certain events of said weekend. For a visual description of the weekend, click here.

Thursday
January 30, 2003

The weekend began on Thursday when "Diamond" Dave Totten went on his normal trip to Pine Hills. The man who works behind the counter, known to all as Joe, presented Diamond with a blow-up Killian's camera for decorations at 518 Hudson. It is known to all that the ASU Geto Boys have frequented Pine Hills for generations, even getting to the point where Joe knows who is calling because of specific orders (see: Billy "Ho" Newport"). Armed with the new decoration, Diamond and JoshO redecorated the living room while other Geto Boys were at practice.

Rochester's own Jason Socack purchased a keg of Labatt Blue Light for the evening and it was dutifully tapped. As many games of Rummy occured, people began to filter in for the evening. This author's recollection of the events were all inspired from the couch in the living room, where he witnessed Flanny's impromptu arts 'n' crafts adventure of turning a paper towl roll into a phallic symbol. Also present in the living room was The Dude, who imported two female friends from Syracuse University for the weekend. They would play a major role in events to occur later on.

As it customary with many events in A-Town, Pauly's was the destination later in the evening. This author did not attend, but instead watched "Slackers" at 1:45am. Rumor has it that "Diamond" burst out laughing in his room while overhearing lines from the movie. Brian "Manuel" Flanagan returned from Pauly's at around 3:30am and after a call over to The Dude and Shitty's house, proposed a trip to hang out over there.

The after-hour festivities were already in full swing when we arrived. We delighted in playing a trombone, and The Dude wowed all assembled with his version of Cream's "Sunshine of Your Love". And upon flipping to the Home Shopping Network, it was decided to call the network and try to get on the air. We failed, but The Dude's friend was brilliant in her handling of the call.

The evening ended about 5:30am, and so all of us returned home for a night's rest before Friday's activities.

Friday
January 31, 2003

This day began as many others do: with a trip to Happy Hour. It was George "Chili Con" Carney's first-ever Sadie's Happy Hour, so spirits were high. A major relevation occured when the waitress asked if we would like to consume Corona in a can. We were unaware that Corona came in a can, so of course, we had to try it. They even gave us the lime...

By then, Brian "Manuel" Flanagan has teased out his wings and arrived with "Diamond" Dave Totten, Josh "Camp Kinder Ring Counselors Get In Free" and Sarah "SPotts" Potter arrived. 40 Honey BBQ, 12 Mild, 12 Garlic Parmesean, and 8 Potato Skins were consumed, along with dozens of $1 Killian's pints. This Happy Hour quickly turned into the funniest Happy Hour of the year, even beating out the one time this old guy was yelling "God Bless America" after two shots. More on this topic can be read here.

Leaving Happy Hour, we knew that this weekend's visitors would be arriving or would have arrived already. Arriving at 518 Hudson, we were greeted by Kevin "Silky White Chocolate" Rodgers, his girlfriend Danielle, Mikey "The Brain" Rich and Melissa "Yentil" Seelman. Flip Cup games were occuring and being participated in by many.

It was near this time that George went and passed out in Gabe's bed and Vicki presented her cake in honor of Shitty's 21st birthday. A mumbled version of "Happy Birthday" was performed and we all enjoyed the fruits of Vicki's handiwork.

The timing of serving this cake could not have been better, because soon after Billy "Ho" Newport arrived, surprising all. We also remember what happened the last time a cake was served when Billy was around...The rumor of Billy coming up for the night was being spread throughout the house, but his actual arrival sent shockwaves through all assembled. Rest assured, Billy's eyes would not remain open.

Matty "Billy Simmon's Disciple" Rich and the other car from Rochester, NY arrived at what seemed to be minutes later. Matty would enjoy being the Geto Boy with most seniority for the entire weekend. The normal party atmosphere kicked into high gear as it was delicious to have so many famaliar faces around.

It was then decided that Shitty's celebration should be kicked into a higher level by his induction to the Floop Jack Squad. Shitty talked...well...shit, before the proceedings, which didn't leave a dry eye in the place. After the ceremony, Shitty sat dazed, confused by being that close to Rodger's ass.

Of course, no night would be complete without a trip to Pauly's. It is often said that the walk to and from the bar is the best of times, and on this night it could not have been more true. On the walk down Western Ave, two majorly hilarious events took place in the matter of 30 seconds. First, a group of girls headed up Ontario looked at this author and the following conversation took place:

Girls: "You're Andie's ex-...um...girlfriend!"
JoshO: "Yeah, I am."
Girls: "YOU'RE A DICK!"
JoshO: "Thanks! Have a good night!"

Immediately after that, we turned to see a girl walking down the street to see a two girls and a guy walking towards us. One of them was without a jacket and it was bitterly cold, so Diamond offered some help:

Diamond: "Hey, come on! Put a jacket on!"
Girl: "[expeletive deleted] YOU, YOU'RE UGLY!" (to JoshO)
JoshO: "What?! What the [expeletive deleted] are you talking about? He just said put a jacket on!"
Diamond: "Yeah, it's cold out! Put a jacket on!"
Girl: "YOU'RE [expeletive deleted] UGLY!" (to JoshO)
JoshO: [expeletive deleted], [expeletive deleted], [expeletive deleted] [expeletive deleted] [exepeltive deleted]!!"

Upon arriving to a packed situation at Pauly's some of our party was discouraged and decided to return home. Those who stuck around were rewarded with a fantastic time once the place cleared out.

On the walk home, as his eyes were damn near tight shut, Billy pushed this author down the street in a shopping cart, only busting ass once - in the middle of Washington Ave. One of Albany's finest began questioning the rider about his age and asking for his ID. Rodgers, for those of you who don't know, is a cop with the NYPD merely said "I'm on the job" and the guy let us go. Rodgers was rewarded with a trip in the snowbank.

Arriving back at 518 Hudson, the living room already looked like Noah's ark with all the people randomly strewn about the room that were crashing there. Billy ended the night by bashing a table over Mikey's head because Mikey didn't attend Pauly's. Feeling remorse as everyone was horrified, Billy bashed himself over the head with the same table, thus putting it out of commission. We all quickly followed the table's lead as the night ended.

Saturday
February 1, 2003

The excitement crammed into a few hours of Thursday and Friday gave way to a lazy day of sitting around and watching Horowitz and Diamond play "GTA: Vice City" for most of the day. And I do mean, for most of the day. (Let it be said that Rodger's girlfriend Danielle was such a trooper for sitting and watching this all day, and not complaining once) Breakfast was ordered from Pine Hills and Joe once again reaped the benefits from the ASU Geto Boys. We all tried to convince Billy not leave and head back to Long Island to assistant coach his Hofstra hockey game. We were sure that Scotty Solomon wouldn't mind. Billy didn't agree and he left.

Billy's departure was bouyed by the arrival of Betsy "Messy" Moran, aka Flanny's Girlfriend.

There was another ASU Hockey game that night, and most of the assembled went to watch. During the game, a keg of Miller High Life was purchased for post-game ceremonies. After a narrow 5-3 loss, everyone came back for another night of revelry.

This night was decidedly low-key in terms of numbers, but not for excitement. As Flip Cup was played in the kitchen, an ECW-inspired brawl took place with many of the people from Rochester taking part. When most of the Rochester brigade when to The Post for a night of freshmen, the single-best Beer Pong game ever occured. In a best of 2 out of 3 contest, Mikey and this author beat Shitty and Rodgers in a highly-contested game. We even needed the help of referee Gabe "Where The Fuck Is My Phone" Sganga.

With the game over, Mikey and Shitty got into a verbal sparring match and Mikey was told to "Shit the fuck up and go to bed" like 82309840912389580943280589043 times.

Sunday
February 2, 2003

This day was one of departures, as everyone left. The hockey team lost again, which contributed to the low spirits. Plans for follow-up visits were planned, so let me be the first to say:

ST. PATRICK'S DAY WEEKEND - MARCH 14-16, 2003 - ALBANY ALBANY ALBANY - THE BEST WEEKEND OF THE YEAR!!!