April 15-18, 2005 - "Everytime I eat General Tso's I get 'The Bubbles'." -Jeff Lochmer

April 14, 2005 - "Moeller called me today and pretended there was a bad connection, but it was really him munching chips into the mic until I realized what was going on and hung up on him." -Vinny McCrink

April 13, 2005 - "Can you leave 'The Vibe' open?" -Jason "Meat" Donlin, to his dad, Jerry "Vietnam" Donlin

April 11-12, 2005 - "I am proud to say that I have never watched a minute of reality programming ...except 'Cops'." - Man at Hannaford

April 9-10, 2005 - "I think my mom is the only female I don't want to emotionally injure right now." -Jeff Ross

April 8, 2005 - "The real test is if I can go the entire weekend in Albany without getting back with Christine." -Bobby Bedford

April 7, 2005 - "Only fags listen to Electric Light Orchestra." -Ruth

April 6, 2005 - "I think that one-third of the world has parasitic worms." -Carl

April 5, 2005 - "You need to move to Europe because a good-looking Anglican kid like you would have an edge." -Jeff The Wanderer

April 4, 2005 - "The plural of "Man" is "Men." Think about it." -Josh Horowitz

February 11, 2005 - "Chatham' sounds like the stuff that would collect between the bristles of a cleat scraper." -Jeff Lochmer

February 9, 2005 - "Since most of the CC.C crowd are drunken nighthawks, I think the 'Quote of the Day' should be changed to 'Quote of the Night'." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

February 8, 2005 - "You're not supposed to share with homeless people." -Overheard

February 7, 2005 - "Donovan McBeard." -Ryan O'Hara

February 6, 2005 - "I'm the complete party package." -Vicki "Big Clit"

May 9-14, 2004 - "This isn't Staten Island." -Old Guy at the Bar

May 6-9, 2004 - "Are there good Straightedge shirts there? The only ones I've seen aren't bloody enough. When I see a normal person on the street, I want them to know how commited I am to the lifestyle. Maybe something with a concentration camp photo and a saying like 'Hitler was Straightedge, get in the oven'." -Overheard

May 4-5, 2004 - JoshO: "You like chocolate balls, don't you?"
Amy: "Yes - hahahahahahahahahahahahah!"
JoshO: "Sheesh."

April 30 - May 3, 2004 - "I've never been able to find an IQ test. I guess if you can't find one you automatically fail..." -Overheard

April 27-29, 2004 - "If I wasn't gay I'd bang you." -Anonymous

April 26, 2004 - "I'll marry a man who loves me for immature ways, my quick wit ...and my big boobs." -Kim Ross

April 23-25, 2004 - "Grammer (sic) is the gateway drug of anality." -Matthew Kreiner

April 19-22, 2004 - "I'm trying to get an internship at the Brackney Inn." -Raj Marwaha

April 16-18, 2004 - "He was so drunk he was fellating the lock." -Griff Dubois

April 15, 2004 - A now deleted quote courtesy of Raj Marwaha

April 14, 2004 - "When you work with kids for six years, you can make them do things they don't even know they're doing." -Bree

March 31, 2004 - April 13, 2004 - "Get her a Roofie Colada!" -Andy "Jewish Lightning" Mantell, at Happy Hour

March 25-30, 2004 - "Ask them about the revolting girl I got head from Saturday night. The most pathetic girl I've ever been a part of. A real disgrace to humanity she was." -Josh Horowitz

March 24, 2004 - "I would've gladly endured a gameday hangover with a semi-dressed Brad Shelton on continuous high-volume play in skates whining about his bum wheels in the locker room than ever touch any of these horse-faced swamp donkey-lipped sloptartish hoovers." -Gabe Sganga

March 23, 2004 - "I made a deal with my mom; I told her I would call her every time I snorted something." -Josh Horowitz

March 22, 2004 - "What the fuck is this?! UNICEF? I got a pocket full of 20s..." -Mikey "The Brain" Rich

March 21, 2004 - "I think my liver hates me." -Jeff Ross

March 19-20, 2004 - "I did run into a guy I met last year who attempted to get me to shack it up at his house and told me that I could wear his ex-girlfriend's clothes to work the next day." -Eleanor Parker

March 16-18, 2004 - "I'm Progressive." -The Man Eating at Elda's on Lark Street, Drinking a Beer at 1:30pm

March 11-15, 2004 - "Hey kid, I'm a computer. Help computer. Stop all that downloading." -From GI Joe PSA, Eric Fensler

March 10, 2004 - "All these people are gonna have two suitcases, I'm gonna walk on the bus with one bag full of mesh shorts." -Andy Dwyer, on his free trip to Florida

March 9, 2004 - "Girls get labeled 'Sluts', guys get label 'Awesome'." -Felicia Bylund

March 5-8, 2004 - "Play 'Skinhead'!" (5283490509834026834 times) -Overheard at the Binghamton St. Patrick's Day Parade

March 3-4, 2004 - "Nun's the word." -Baba

March 1-2, 2004 - "I handed my boss my jury summons for Monday, a 30 Emma Street flyer i printed, copies of my DKM tickets and said 'I'm gonna be gone for a while'." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

February 25-28, 2004 - "I have never heard weather that sounds like Pop Rocks before." -Bree

February 24, 2004 - "I think they're going to go into the 'Bruno, Kill Yourself' Jam." -Gabe Sganga

February 23, 2004 - "Hmmm, you taste like cancer." -Overheard during "Sex in the City"

February 21-22, 2004 - "I'm a emotional hockey player - I cry a lot." -Andy
"I'm made out of metal." -Tim

February 20, 2004 - "By the way ...any of you Bi?" -Dan Logue

February 19, 2004 - "I think Pete may be mildly retarded; last words out of his mouth: 'Hmmm, 185 miles an hour. Now that's fast in my book'." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

February 18, 2004 - "Friday night I had sex with sooo many guys in my row after we won." -Drew Hamm

MAIL ORDER BRIDE QofD WEEK

February 16-17, 2004 - "I would like to describe myself as loyal, honest, romantic, a bit shy and too trusting." -Natalia

February 15, 2004 - "Solvent, sports a constitution. This is what I want in man." -Laryssa

February 14, 2004 - "I would like to have a friend who is not boring, who doesn't always think about football, pubs, and so on. I would like our communication be exciting, interesting and sometimes romantic." -Anastasia

February 12-13, 2004 - "I like reading and much. I like to spend time with friends whom at me it is a lot of, time on nature." -Barbara

February 11, 2004 - "I love to cuddle, hug, kiss and give sensuality often." -Olena

February 10, 2004 - "Very much kind and counterbalanced. I love humour and kind people. I despise lie in all her directions. I do not love scandalous people, and itself always I try to avoid unpleasant situations." -Dara

February 8-9 2004 -"By character I am amiable, modest, 'my needs are very simple: I am always satisfied with the best', as Oscar Wilde wrote." -Yulia

February 7, 2004 - "In the winter ski, I like to be engaged in aerobics. I go for a drive on bike in the summer and I go with friends on nature, to fry shish kebabs and to bathe in the river. Also it is pleasant to visit concerts, festivals and cinematheatres." -Ilana

February 5-6, 2004 - "If you die before me Jay, I just want you too know I'll be hammered at your funeral. I know that's how you would want it ...and hitting on your mom." -Zach "Mustafa" Seliga

February 4, 2004 - "Only three kinds of women wear leotards: gymnasts, superheroes and whores." -Drunk Guy at the Bar

February 3, 2004 - "She will get emotional when she is tumbling in the dryer." -Jeff Ross

January 31 - February 2, 2004 -
"Jason "Pete" Weston: "Subway's gonna be getting toaster ovens soon, too ."
Jason "Meat" Donlin: "Posers."

January 30, 2004 - "What is this a code for? Deliciousness?" -Overheard

January 29, 2004 - "First of all, I want everyone to know that I am out of the league unless ...when you have a Survivor who loses, you write their name on a piece of paper and burn it where ever you are watching." -Josh Horowitz, at the Survivor Fantasty Draft

January 28, 2004 - "I want to get piss drunk at my own funeral; that would be the excuse for every dumb thing done." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

January 27, 2004 - "Ed Debevic's - excellent recommendation. The waiter told me I had a big head." -Erin King

January 26, 2004 - "You were the only white person on the call back list." -Bree

January 25, 2004 - "CleverCitizen.Com ...not!" -Vinny McCrink, via voicemail

January 24, 2004 - "The only thing worse than Cuba Gooding Jr. in a movie is a Brit." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

January 23, 2004 - "I'm thinking of getting a thumb ring." -Bruno
"...and I'm the fashion whore?" -JoshO

January 22, 2004 - "I want a baby." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

January 21, 2004 - "I don't know what it is, but that mention of rump made me think of rump roast...and that made me hungry. I have never eaten rump roast." -Anonymous

January 13-20, 2004 - "What the fuck is a 'toobaleygoo'?" -Chris Ferris

January 5-12, 2004 - "Even though they're eating kids it's still making me hungry." -Anonymous

December 30, 2003 - January 4, 2004 - "I tried walking with my pants down around my ankles like those people - I don't know how they don't fall down." -Baba

December 22-29, 2003 - "It's a pretty sweet diet; between throwing up and starving myself for the past three days I've lost about 10 pounds. ...I wonder why no one ever thought to use that as a diet trick. Oh, wait..." -Vicki "Big Clit"

December 20-21, 2003 -
Brother: "I'm on the No Sugar Diet...I've only had two brownies."
Sister: "No Sugar Diet - no sugar before 11."
Brother: "11...am."

December 19, 2003 - "I'm not from Greene, I'm from South New Berlin - home of the 'Who Farted?' hat." -Dan Byam

December 12-18, 2003 - "I just want her dancing on the table, it shouldn't be that hard to find." -Kim Cartmill

December 11, 2003 - "I'm still awake. It's 4:08 am herrrre. 5:08 therrrre. Have a nice breakfast." -Drew Hamm

December 10, 2003 - "Give me a compliment."
" ...You have nice taste in slacks...?" -Overheard

December 9, 2003 - "I'd sell you these shoes ...they are top of the line Sketchers." -Nick "Nephew" Gomez

December 8, 2003 - Bruno: "Candice Bergen."
Bachary: "...is she still alive?"

December 6-7, 2003 - "This song reminds me of the time that my parents were called because I colored Martin Luther King blue." -Chad

December 5, 2003 - "You 'da funniest. Hahuhuhuhuhuhuhuh." -Overheard

December 4, 2003 - "Donyell Marshall-senior-junior-motherfucker-fucker-fucker." -"Lucious" Jon Ladenheim

December 2-3, 2003 - "On Wednesday night, this kid from Rockland tried to jump off the Tappan Zee Bridge. Guess he didn't have anything to be thankful for." - Matt Schaeffer

December 1, 2003 - "I just lost at Trivial Pursuit to a guy dressed as a pirate." -Jen "The Yellow Dart" Edwards

November 25 - November 30, 2003 - Closed for Thanksgiving Break. They don't have the internet in Jersey.

November 23-24, 2003 - "I know I would divorce my wife if she lost on 'Price is Right'." -Overheard

November 22, 2003 - BrendanSchweda said NO to this Quote of the Day

November 21, 2003 - "You can mother me all you want; I'm all about breast-feeding." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

November 20, 2003 - "I took the brunt of the attack on my knees." -Anonymous

November 19, 2003 - "I haven't cried since my dog died when I was 8 - I had a little cry.
...I got a little teary-eyed at the end of 'Apollo 13'." -Matty Rich

November 18, 2003 - "Schulman, you're gonna friz my hair because you're raining on my parade." -Jess Resnick

November 17, 2003 - "If I were Indian, this is how I would carry my groceries." (with a box on his head) -Matt Bruno

November 16, 2003 - "There's a long history of horny women." -Leigh Strimbeck

November 15, 2003 - "Personally, I like dick." -Brett Dubow

November 14, 2003 - "If we are literally selling our bodies, then I'd make a few bucks...if we're selling by the pound." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

November 13, 2003 - "You can jerk off on my couch at Patchogue." -Billy "Ho" Newport

November 12, 2003 - "Shut up, you live in an attic." -George "Chili Con" Carney

November 11, 2003 - "I'm not fantasizing. I saw a boob." -Michelle Green

November 10, 2003 - "I wish I didn't have pit stains so I could take off my shirt off now too." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

November 8-9, 2003 - "I may not be the classiest girl in this room, but at least I don't have Herpes." -Lauren Hirschfeld

November 7, 2003 - "Three noses, hash browns, everyone's named Jack. I'm pretty excited." -Brendan Schweda

November 6, 2003 -
Flanny: "Josh, did you give that girl Herpes?"
Josh: "Twice."
Flanny: "Then I am going to drink that bitch's soda."

November 4-5, 2003 - "They're just here because they like boobs." -Vicki "Big Clit" , referring to two lesbians in flannel shirts, at the breast cancer walk

November 3, 2003 - "Even Lebron finished high school before going to the bigs. Try nysportsexpress.com, it's more your speed (slow) and sense of humor (adolescent). Let us know when you have some actual experience, i.e., clips." -Catherine D, Copy Editor for Stuff Magazine (posted in the Guestbook)

November 2, 2003 - "I just caught this lighter on my fat." -Josh Horowitz

November 1, 2003 - "That looks like Pete 'n' Pete from 'Pete 'n' Pete'." -George "Chili Con" Carney

October 31, 2003 - "By the way, I'm not your brother. I'm very attracted to you." Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

October 30, 2003 - "He gets the Weight Watcher's meals and eats like four of them." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

October 28-29, 2003 - "Do you have Kim's number?"
"Is she the black girl?"
"...she's in your show..."

October 27, 2003 - "I'm a sportswriter. What do you want from me, dick?" -Matt Bruno

October 26, 2003 - "I got it in yellow so all the underage girls would mistake it for a school bus." -Jeffrey Rees

October 25, 2003 - "I've never been in a JC Penney's before...do they provide the bags at the door to cover your face?" -Kim Ross

October 24, 2003 - "Are you done humping me? Thank you." -Betsy "Messy" Moran

October 23, 2003 - "Artists don't tell you how they got to the point where they painted a picture. You look at the picture and say, 'They were feeling this'.
When they see all this, they say 'Oh, he must have been drunk'." -Anonymous

October 22, 2003 - "I distinctly remember last night saying 'I need two Jews, a Long Island, 84 Mind Erasers, two more Jews, a Catholic and a Molson." -Ken

October 21, 2003 - "If you don't call and I run into you in like a month, just know ahead of time that it's cool and it won't be awkward." -Renee "Ace" Michalik

October 19-20, 2003 - "You're pretty...for a black girl." -The Seat Stealer

October 18, 2003 - "I don't understand why it's only one dollar more for eyebrow [waxing] since I have two of those...and only one mustache." -Vicki "Big Clit"

October 17, 2003 - "Can I run for governor of New York state and make Binghamton my capital?" -Troye Larson

October 16, 2003 - "We have to turn up the tv in the 9th inning - the Cubs are going to the World Series!" -Anonymous, and then that fan reached in front of Moises Alou in Game Six

October 15, 2003 - "Melissa is like the camp counselor of drinking games." -Kevin "Silky White Chocolate" Rodgers

October 14, 2003 - "Dave: "You should bring a bunch of hobos to the dining hall and swipes them in."
Felicia: "Where do I get them?"

October 13, 2003 - "Thanks to a condom brand called 'None', I am going to be a daddy." -Roco

October 12, 2003 - "I bought 140 dollars worth of groceries but then realized I can't cook." Jason "Meat" Donlin

October 11, 2003 - "So I saw Brian yesterday. I think he tried to run me over." -"Lucious" Jon Ladeheim

October 10, 2003 - "Do you want me to get her number?" -Betsy
"No, I want you to kill them all." -Mark

October 9, 2003 - "I'm just wearing a t-shirt. I'm not declaring a Jihad." -Anonymous

October 7-8, 2003 - Vicki "Big Clit": "Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller..."
Mr. Big Clit: "...Helen Keller didn't have to worry about it getting dark."

October 6, 2003 - "She was a crater-faced Pterodactyl." -Billy "Ho" Newport

October 5, 2003 - "Your legs are cold? Stick them in my butt." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

October 4, 2003 - "What was that in my butt?" -Vicki "Big Clit"

October 3, 2003 - "I spoke to the makers of Aderol - they're going to sponsor my diploma." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

October 2, 2003 - "SURVIVOR TONIGHT." -Said in overheard Robot Voice

October 1, 2003 - "I think your Indian name should be 'Wrong About Grand Slams'." -Josh Horowitz

September 30, 2003 - "I'm fucking hysterical - but I'm not famous." -Anonymous

September 29, 2003 - "If I didn't have vomit in my eyes I could see you straight." -Gabe Sganga

September 28, 2003 - "It's all fun and games until someone gets clocked in the nuts." -Betsy "Messy" Moran

September 27, 2003 - "If her nipples were sticking out right now I'd vote for her." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

September 26, 2003 - "I could become Anorexic and people would still say I'm the fat kid." -Robert "The Bob" Bedford

September 25, 2003 - "If you don't blow at least a .15 at the door they don't let you in." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

September 24, 2003 - "STD is so much better than Mikey Rich." -"Lucious" Jon Ladenheim

September 23, 2003 - "That's so degrading." -A group of half-naked girls walking down Quail Street

September 22, 2003 - "I'm a mess. How, you ask? Ok, I'll tell you: I take 4 classes and one of them is Finger Painting. My clock is 1 hour and 22 minutes fast. I am not wearing socks right now. I am typing with the keyboard on my lap because I'm too lazy to get a thing to rest it on. And I drink almost everyday. SHIT." -David Belardino

September 21, 2003 - "You've got a boyfriend; I've got nobody. I've got me and my liver." -Anonymous

September 20, 2003 - "Country, don't hang your sister from the tree. We told you, we told you." -George "Chili Con" Carney

September 19, 2003 - "What is with the holy war here?" -Shitty

September 18, 2003 - "I AM that shallow." Billy "Ho" Newport

September 17, 2003 - "Alice made meatloaf, but never made Mike." -Mike Christopher

September 16, 2003 - "I need my beer douche." -Bryan Shultz

September 15, 2003 - "If I didn't like your dick a year ago, what makes you think I'd like it now?" -Nikki Ann Harrell

September 14, 2003 - "Making Feminism grind to a screeching halt - one dyke at a time." -Kim Ross

September 13, 2003 - "Why do you think we want you over here? Because we like you? No, it's because we want you to finger Michelle's sister." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

September 12, 2003 - "You can't do it like that. Only crazy people part it like that. Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin - they all parted it that way. Change it back." -Teddy Michalik

September 11, 2003 - "We'll just fart on the people we don't like." -Betsy Moran

September 10, 2003 - (Getting in taxi cab) "...I'm driving." -George "Chili Con" Carney

September 9, 2003 - "Look at that great left cheek." -"Lucious" Jon Ladenhiem

September 8, 2003 - "He just puked and fell in the bushes." -Chuck Biscuits
"I better go get him - he's my ride home." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

September 7, 2003 - "No, I don't have a girlfriend because I'm prude." -Jimmy Joe

September 6, 2003 - "Billy Ho - look at us - two spicks drinking on Saturday night and beating everyone."-Melissa "Yentil" Seelman

September 5, 2003 - "The YES Network funds terrorism." -Mikey "The Brain" Rich

September 4, 2003 - "I'm hung like an oil filter, especially if you get the Fram...I'm ribbed, kid." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

September 1-3, 2003 - "How'd you like to play center for the Bears?" -Jason "Meat" Donlin

August 16-31, 2003 - "Those are the best hotdogs in the world." -Myron Oryhon
"Those are Crayons." -Linda Oryhon

May 16-19, 2003 - "She's like the Kurt Rambis of hooking up." -Anonymous

May 15, 2003 - "My girlfriend started her day in Vegas and she's going to beat us to the bar." -Scotty Solomon

May 14, 2003 - "Either you're in touch with your feminine side or you leaned on a chalkboard." -Bill "Ho" Newport

May 13, 2003 - "...and I wasn't going to go to my midterm because I thought I had anthrax." -George "Chili Con" Carney

May 12, 2003 - "It's alright, Andy Pettite - Christ will get you through." Mikey "The Brain" Rich

May 11, 2003 - "...I'll just have my grandmother get me rocked." -ChrisO

May 10, 2003 - "...I'm having a heart attack." -"Lucious" Jon Ledenheim

May 9, 2003 - "Do my glasses make my ass look fat?" -Jarrod Koch

May 8, 2003 - "Water is dripping from your hair...face...thing." -Jen

May 7, 2003 - "I have the worst luck when it comes to peeing." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

May 6, 2003 - "I would cut off my hair if you went on a date with me." -Doug, from Goodfellas

May 5, 2003 - "I just want to be able to smile with pride again." -Matt Bruno

May 2-4, 2003 - "St. John's Social Club? I don't even think they have a blender." -Anonymous

May 1, 2003 - "I can beat Super Mario 3 with my left hand." -Josh Horowitz

April 30, 2003 - "Where's the button for 'Suck that dick, bitch'?" -The Dude

April 28-29, 2003 - "I may not call myself a 'hottie', but I do have nice legs." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

April 27, 2003 - "You have such nice hair." -"Lucious" John Ledenheim

April 26, 2003 - "She looks like a Japanese cartoon." -George Carney

April 25, 2003 - "Ms. Ding-Ding Card." -Anonymous

April 24, 2003 - "She's got a cute face, why doesn't she have a normal hair?" -Dan Mahoney

April 23, 2003 - <cough cough cough> -JoshO
"What are you? Part cat?" -Renee Michalik

April 22, 2003 - "This is the first time I've cut a white person's hair." -Darshany

April 21, 2003 - "Reba's pretty hot for a cross-eyed bitch." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

April 20, 2003 - "May I be blessed by ridding the newest LA prostitute of her hooker virginity." -"Kansas City" Keith Hannon

April 19, 2003 - "Watch the damn deer on the way home." -Jerry "Vietnam" Donlin

April, 18, 2003 - "I'm a boob." -Vicki "Big Clit"

April 17, 2003 - "My boyfriend is wearing a cape and Billy Newport is here." -Michelle Green

April 16, 2003 - "I'm sorry, I had community service." -Shannon Sullivan

April 15, 2003 - "It's all about spooning on the first night. It's like tracking a wounded animal. After that, just be patient and keep following, sooner or later they'll just quit. My weapon of choice is the spoon." -Chris Rickett

April 14, 2003 - "I didn't choose you...I had a great time in the woods, though." -Joe Millionaire

April 13, 2003 - "I've got bigger tits than that - girls tell me this." -Dan Mahoney

April 12, 2003 - "Cagney's - Hobos drink for free." Nick "My Newphew" Gomez

April 11, 2003 - "This pussy is sponsored by Tide." -Shitty
April 10, 2003 -
"I like string cheese."
-Long Conversation-
"As, you know, not like the food." -Jess Resnick

April 9, 2003 - "I want to go home and have a movement." -Gabe Sganga

April 8, 2003 - "Shitty? Wait, that's not Poopy, right?" -Danielle Gallo

April 7, 2003 - "Look how easy it is to kill a bum." -George "Chili Con" Carney

April 5-6, 2003 - "I'm drunk and I'm looking forward to my Puerto Rican lovin'." -Mikey "The Brain" Rich

April 4, 2003 - "Drunk? Yes. Witty? Still." -Josh Horowitz

April 3, 2003 - "Horowitz's favorite compound word is popcorn." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

April 2, 2003 - "I love kegs, they're like little metal children." -Gabe Sganga

March 31 - April 1, 2003 - "Hakuna Matata - that's what I say." -Chris Allen

March 30, 2003 - "I'd rather him be gay than hang out with those girls." -Nicole Verrastro

March 29, 2003 - "Diamond, you have the ultimate girlfriend - she can't say a word." -Matty Rich

March 28, 2003 - "Look at his ass, it's kind of hard to take him serious when there's fruit all over it." -Melissa "Yentil" Seelman

March 27, 2003 - "We're so wrestling in underwear." -Kevin "Silky White Chocolate" Rodgers

March 26, 2003 - "When I get drunker I get more better." -Amy Waltersdorf

March 25, 2003 - "I have shoulders like a fucking linebacker." -Jess Whalen

March 24, 2003 - "I got a solution for the oil crisis. It's called 'Soccer Moms Stop Driving SUVs to Wegman's'." -Calvin "Coolwhip" Heinle

March 23, 2003 - "Why is Horowitz standing?" -JoshO
"Because he's in 'Eat Mode'." -Flanny

March 22, 2003 - "That's the Jay - he's the buttons." -Nicole Verrastro

March 21, 2003 - "I can proudly say that I was not asked not to come back to Band." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

March 20, 2003 - "Have a little respect, the guy who built this table died...yeah, my sister dumped him and he committed suicide." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

March 19, 2003 - "1890s Russia is a very boring time, it's all about sick people." -Dave Andronicus

March 18, 2003 - "Guess what's not cool? POCKETS." -Anonymous

March 17, 2003 - "Time out." (Five times before 5:30pm) -Jeff Ross

March 14-16, 2003 - "Don't give me another bruise." -Betsy "Messy" Moran

March 13, 2003 - "Men are such scum." -The Dude

March 12, 2003 - "You had special pants last semester." -George "Chili Con" Carney

March 11, 2003 - "I fucking love Josh Oryhon." -Lynette Neilsen

March 10, 2003 - "If I'm going to CVS, I funnel at least three beers." -Matty "Snakes" Zelesnikar

March 9, 2003 - "If I touched your boob, would it make you happy?" -Jeff Ross

March 8, 2003 - "It's kind of hard to do that with a profilatic on." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

March 7, 2003 - "It smells like wet dog in here." -Flip

March 6, 2003 - "That was the night you were drunk and dancing to the car alarm." Jess Whalen, on Rory Tobias

March 5, 2003 - "To what? A dogfight?" -Myron "FMO" Oryhon

March 4, 2003 - "My dad feels bad because he left us." -Nicole Verrastro

March 3, 2003 - "First time wiping a national monument." -Jay "El Presidente" Fedish

March 2, 2003 - "Oi! Oi! Oi!" (890283948902386082 times) -Jason "Meat" Donlin

February 28 - March 1, 2003 - "Trail of Tears that's a long walk!" -Chris Allen

February 27, 2003 - "I have an uncontrollable jaw-lip-quiver-thingie." -Amy Waltersdorf

February 26, 2003 - "I saw Bob Dylan in 1999 and he sounded like grandma Sophie." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

February 25, 2003 - "So are you going to get naked, or what?" -Jeff Ross

February 24, 2003 - "I'm gonna party like it's 1993.9." -"Tennessee" Cal Heinle

February 23, 3003 - "What would you do if your ass was a digtal camera?" -Jess Whalen

February 22, 2003 - "I'm down with coed saliva." -Rory Tobias

February 21, 2003 - "He was hilarious when he wasn't sensitive." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

February 20, 2003 - "Do you want to be gay with me?" -Kevin Patton

February 19, 2003 - "Do they have Mexican people in Italy, because those are the ones doing all the cooking at Olive Garden." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

February 18, 2003 - "You are chugger lugger." -Jessica Whalen

February 17, 2003 - "There should have been more rape in it." -Josh Horowitz, on "Five in the Bush"

February 16, 2003 - "It smells like my grandpa's room in here." -George Carney

February 14-15, 2003 - "Good, I get to write 'Hooter's' in my checkbook." -Nicole Verrastro

February 13, 2003 - "You won't believe it - let me whet your appetite by just saying - Jay Leno came into my appartment, dressed me and my two friends up like Dixie Chicks, made us a sing one of their songs, and it should be on next Wednesday or Thursday. I got a picture taken of us all, I'll send it to you." -Keith Hannon

February 12, 2003 - "That's a nice, long kiss there...I think she's sleeping." -Jeff Ross

February 11, 2003 - "Like I might lick his ass...I might bite it a little..." -Nicole Edmonds

February 10, 2003 - "I think I just put the testicles in my mouth...membrane." -Bruno

February 9, 2003 - "Commercials are for hobos and faggots." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

February 8, 2003 - "I know my cheeses." -Kevin Patton

February 7, 2003 - "You have no pee-pee thingy." -Jen Peck

February 6, 2003 - "If it means I spend 30 dollars tonight, I will not listen to rap." -Jones

February 5, 2003 - "You shouldn't be laughing, you should be on the fucking treadmill, bitch." -Flip, to the television

February 4, 2003 - "Where are you going? Finals?" -George
"Pine Hills." -Bruno

February 3, 2003 - "I am going to help him in spirit...do it, Ackbar!" -Josh Horowitz

February 2, 2003 - "Do you think Gomez will transfer out of this school without his glasses?" -Gabe Sganga

February 1, 2003 - "It's a magazine called 'Trans World Moto Cross'." -Kara

January 31, 2003 - "You're dating Ice Cube." -Josh
"Naw, that's me." -Flanny

January 30, 2003 - "It smells like fat kid." -George "Chili Con" Carney

January 29, 2003 - "I'm ambidextrous when it comes to subtexts." -Kevin Patton

January 28, 2003 - "I thought that all men would enjoy four large breasted women feeling each other up." -Kim Ross

January 27, 2003 - "I keep forgetting that's what we had the playwright for." -Phil

January 26, 2003 - "He put on 'Red Skelton's Christmas Jollies'." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

January 25, 2003 - "And now it's bleeding all over my ass." -Flip

January 24, 2003 - "I want to go so far to say that if anyone didn't go to see this play, they were fucked up." -Josh Horowitz

January 23, 2003 - "You know when you nod your head it doesn't get recorded." -Brendan Brader

January 22, 2003 - "I would like to know, so I can share drinks without the fear of infecting others." -Jessica Resnick

January 21, 2003 - "Because you want to get fucked up and see midgets." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

January 20, 2003 - "Ooooooh!" -Linda Oryhon, as LL Cool J performed at the AFC Championship game

January 18-19, 2003 - "The thought that you have a big cock is disgusting." -Jeff Ross

January 17, 2003 - "Kevin, that's the difference between an intelligent and unintelligent man. That's the kind of man who gets a concussion while driving a race car." -Keith Hannon

January 16, 2003 - "He's really nice, even though he tried to kill your boyfriend." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

January 15, 2003 - "She likes it when she feels his knife wound." -George "Chili Con" Carney

January 14, 2003 - "Smoke as much as you want, I'll punch you later." -Bruno

January 13, 2003 - "I gotta start scouting now because my second wife hasn't even been born yet." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

January 12, 2003 - "Has Joe ever heard the word 'rape'?" -"Heavy" Kevvy Doebler

January 11, 2003 - "Stop drinking your roommate." -Nicole Verrastro
"You ought to; he's a great-tasting roommate." -JoshO

January 10, 2003 - "Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, I'm drinking a wine cooler." -Tom "Hammerin' Hank" Huson

January 9, 2003 - "JoshO, move your Jim Beam." -Angela Sharkey

January 8, 2003 - "Last time you saw that much tonic, you were at a supermarket." -Jay$$$ Kunka

January 7, 2003 - "I made a mess with my butt." -Nicole Verrastro

January 6, 2003 - If my ass shakes, you assume there's an earthquake." -Joe Doebler

January 5, 2003 - "It's because you like the 'The Little Mermaid' and not the 'The Lion King'." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

January 4, 2003 -"Your dad's got great sperm." -Jeff Ross

January 3, 2003 - "Going through the motions - that's the story of my life." -Jessica Whalen

January 2, 2003 - "Brandi, don't talk like that. You're embarassing me." -Brendan Brader

December 31, 2002 - January 1, 2003 - "I am necessary and well-protected." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

December 30, 2002 - "If I were rich, I would get a booth at Spiedie Fest and charge women to smooch me." -Anonymous

December 29, 2002 - "It's so early, I'm going to go out and get married." -Jay$$$ Kunka

December 28, 2002 - "Gayest highway - ever." -Josh Horowitz

December 27, 2002 - "It's all about Diamond and a small penis problem." -Jeff Ross

December 26, 2002 - "Brian Flanagan - just another hot shot." -Jeff Ross

December 25, 2002 - : "Honey BBQ!! I have to order extra to rub all over my body." -Josh Horowitz

December 24, 2002 - : "I was so drunk, I couldn't give you three inches." -Twitch

December 23, 2002 - :"There's a doody-bomb on my bed." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

December 22, 2002 - "I do need a hat...and a bullet-proof vest." -Jessica Resnick, before going to Arbor Hill

December 21, 2002 - "When there is cheap beer and loving waitresses, there are no limits." -Jeff Ross

December 20, 2002 - "I'd be all diez...drop a hat size."-Dave Andronicus

December 19, 2002 - "He wore a purse - he made it look good." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan, on Tim O'Brien

December 17-18, 2002 - "Eric's leaving this weekend with two Ws and Syphillis." -Justin Patsey

December 16, 2002 - "You're telling me goodbye?! You're pounding Taco Bell and telling me goodbye?! Are you kidding me?!" -Josh Horowitz

December 15, 2002 - "Maybe that's how Asians...oooh...they burn." -Jessica Resnick

December 14, 2002 - "Hey, the little crunchies on my ice cream taste like water." -Alexis "Flex" Oryhon
"Why don't you say they have no taste?" -"Tennessee" Cal Heinle
"Because they taste like water." -Alexis "Flex" Oryhon

December 13, 2002 - "Twitchy - passionate animal." -Twitch

December 12, 2002 - "My mental pictures are my curse." -Jay$$$ Kunka, referring to Twitch's conquest

December 10-11, 2002 - "And then it's David Bowie. And it's all cock." -Josh Horowitz

December 9, 2002 - "I want to be in a music video, even if it's the white guy eveyone makes fun of." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

December 8, 2002 - "Did you say 'ass raping'?" -Jen
"No, we said 'ash tray'." -Sarah

December 7, 2002 - "I think this movie might unite black and white people." -Josh
"No, as soon as the white people get outside the theater the black people will be stealing their stuff again." -Chris

December 6, 2002 - "If they really want us to go home, all they have to do is put on sweatshirts." -Jason "Meat" Donlin, at closing at Hooter's

December 5, 2002 - "How do you know the whole team?" -Eric, from New Jersey
"Because we sleep with them - what do you think, we're all friends with them?" -Vicki

December 4, 2002 - "I once saw him beat two kids' asses with a boombox in one hand and a 40 in the other." -Drew Paton

December 3, 2002 - "They don't even have computers in Suffolk County." -Josh Horowitz

December 2, 2002 - "That's ok, boys. We still love you." -Vicki
"...we'll still sleep with you." -Sarah and Michelle

November 26 - December 1, 2002 - "I could watch 'SportsCentury' on Matt Sees and it would tear my eyes." -ChrisO

November 25, 2002 - "Paaarty. Definitely paaarty." -Dawn Pook, when asked what her plans are after graduating high school at 21 years old

November 23-24, 2002 - "You think you've got 'Quote of the Century' because you're that cool?! Woo Hoo!" Michelle Green, to Eric from New Jersey

November 22, 2002 - "Let's stop talking about needles and draining fluids from butts." -Vicki "Big Clit"

November 21, 2002 - "Rita Margolen gives a mean hand job. She's 64." -Josh Horowitz

November 19-20, 2002 - "I used to play, but then I lost my skates...I don't know what happened to them." -Eric, from New Jersey

November 18, 2002 - "I was on a three-way with my dad and a my gynecologist." -Jessica Resnick

November 17, 2002 - "You're money, Waltrip." -Billy "Ho" Newport

November 16, 2002 - "Stay close to me; he might try to hump your head." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

November 15, 2002 - "I get a little nervous when you put your hands in your pockets." -Michelle Green

November 14, 2002 - "Are we pregnant women? We're eating all this candy..." -Flip

November 13, 2002 - "And by the way, I can go online with my phone." -Bruno

November 11-12, 2002 - "Cinnamon. It smells good, like sex." -Kim Ross

November 10, 2002 - "If it weren't for them, you'd never have a cotton shirt." -"Lucious" Jon Ledenheim

November 9, 2002 - "It's like being told that you're getting that red bicycle for Christmas and then finding your uncle dead under the tree." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

November 8, 2002 - "How do you lose eight Toquitoes?" -George "Chili Con" Carney

November 7, 2002 - "I was really good...at pot." -Josh Horowitz

November 6, 2002 - "You talk like a sniper." -"Lucious" Jon Ledenheim

November 5, 2002 - "His ass doesn't look normal." -Vicki
"It's upside down." -JoshO

November 4, 2002 - "Have you ever noticed that Jesus is a ball hog?" -Conan O'Brien

November 3, 2002 - "Oh, you hate school work? Why didn't you say so earlier? There is a support group for that . It's called 'EVERYONE' and they meet at the bar." -Billy Graff

November 2, 2002 - "I don't like Ja Rule, but I like Bob Seger." -Kevin Patton

November 1, 2002 - "Oh, is this your little sister?" -To Vicki, referring to Michelle

October 31, 2002 - "I'm courteous...when I'm fucking men." -Josh Horowitz

October 30, 2002 - "Those are some old vaginas." -George Carney

October 29, 2002 - "We're not so good right now. He babbles and spits." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

October 28, 2002 - "You work at CVS. Why are you talking?" -Michelle Green

October 27, 2002 - "Oh my God, I'm being attacked by lawn furniture on the Thruway." -Vicki Cioffi

October 26, 2002 - "I want to be a black guy SO BAD for Halloween." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

October 25, 2002 - "Thanks guys, for sending me straight into the lion's nest." -Josh Horowitz

October 24, 2002 - "I need sunlight to be happy." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan on "The Elusive" Mike Ryan

October 23, 2002 - "Our perception of 'cool' might be 'alcoholic' to others." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

October 22, 2002 - "I know I have creative freedom, but I'm like a good wedding singer - I take requests." -Scott Solomon

October 21, 2002 - "Jen, I think we should disable the smoke detectors for when we smoke opium." -Sarah
"Yeah, and for when we do 'shrooms." -Jen

October 20, 2002 - "That's not The Dude. The Dude is halfway to Rochester." -Jessica Resnick

October 19, 2002 - "With Betsy, I feel free." -Josh Horowitz

October 18, 2002 - "I have the feeling that Shelton would sell out his brother for a bong hit." -Gabe Sganga

October 14-17, 2002 - "I don't want to get into your slave ship." -Casey Lake

October 13, 2002 - "The open road is a better girlfriend than any Helen of Troy." -The Dude

October 12, 2002 -"I'm not here to impress you guys; I'm here to cook a burger." -Josh Horowitz

October 11, 2002 - "I have to draw her naked, I don't want to be her buddy." -Vicki "Big Clit"

October 10, 2002 - "I'd be a Turkish millionaire." -Jay$$$ Kunka

October 9, 2002 - "Who takes home a doggy bag from happy hour?" -"Diamond" Dave Totten

October 8, 2002 - "Yo, Flip - when is Christ's birthday?" - Flanny
"I know that. December 31, man." -Flip

October 7, 2002 - "No, Mikey - because you believe in class before ass." -Jessica Resnick

October 6, 2002 - "Is it drizzling out or is Schulman talking?" -Josh Charland

October 5, 2002 - "They took it off the market because a bunch of hillbillies drank it and went nuts." -Andy Schulman

October 4, 2002 - "What's that?" -Flanny
"It's marshmellow." -JoshO
"It's batter." -Flanny
"No man, it's marshmellow." -JoshO
::puts it on sundae::
"...It's batter." -JoshO

October 3, 2002 - "Didn't you try and get rid of that girl once? She is like a bad penny that keeps turning up." -Mrs. Solomon (Scottie's mom)

October 2, 2002 - "You got to work on that goof smile." -John O'Hara

October 1, 2002 - "Don't be a flatliner." -from "Crank Yankers"

September 30, 2002 - "I don't want to eat a stick of butter, I just want to rub it on my face." -Sarah Potter

September 29, 2002 - "Those are the sexiest balls I have ever seen." -Gabe Sganga

September 28, 2002 - "I will always love you. Like Whitney Houston." -Casey Lake

September 27, 2002 - "That's not a Snapple fact." -"Little" John O'Hara

September 26, 2002 - "It's like the straw that broke the camel's back, except there was no straw and the camel wanted a reason to break its back." -Jessica Resnick

September 25, 2002 - "Can I put my eyesocket on your shoulder?" -Jay$$$ Kunka

September 24, 2002 - "He don't got no money...he's a bum." -Henryk Baran

September 23, 2002 - "It's not a blood clot. It's a half of a double cheeseburger." -Gabe Sganga

September 22, 2002 - "I might be out of here by Thursday, but I have to talk to my parole officer." -Paul Olsen

September 21, 2002 - "You sat on his cheese bread." -Sara Potter

September 20, 2002 - "I'm not as dumb as I look I am." -Jen Peck

September 19, 2002 - "He tried to beat up a hippie at a Bobby Weir show." -"The Elusive" Mike Ryan

September 18, 2002 - "'Dranken'. Is this a verb?" -Anonymous

September 17, 2002 - "Life is one long day with random naps." -Josh Horowitz

September 16, 2002 - "Twitch is in demand." -Overheard

September 14-15, 2002 - "I haven't brushed my teeth in three days." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

September 13, 2002 - "The girl of your dreams has sideburns?" -Robyn Smith

September 12, 2002 - "Yeah, Coors Light is on tap - it comes from the sink." -Bruno

September 11, 2002 - "I'm allergic to latex." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

September 10, 2002 - "What else do I have to look forward to? I'm not a drug addict..." -Brian "Twitch" Lababera

September 9, 2002 - "Flip is Gabe's concubine." -Billy "Ho" Newport

September 7-8, 2002 - "She was purple and shivering and he stuck it in her butt." -Mike Ryan
***Correction: there was an inaccuracy in this original printing of this quote. clevercitizen.com would like to apologize to Mike Ryan for our incorrect pronoun***

September 5-6, 2002 - "Brad's bed is so comfortable." -Kim Cring

September 4, 2002 - "I was laughing so hard at this pickle-sucking chicken head, that I gave my horrible fake ID to the clerk. Then I had to snatch it back and giver her my license before she told the cop behind me in line." -Kim Ross

September 3, 2002 - "I want Anne Frank. You could [expletive deleted] her and then put her in your closet." -"Little" John O'Hara

September 2, 2002 - "If I'm trapped in an elevator with a girl - she's getting raped." -Dan Mahoney

September 1, 2002 - "Oh, you stumbled - I'M DRIVING." -Dan Logue

August 31, 2002 - "What an irony is: the thing I create life with is the thing that I urinate with." -Sticky Riddles

August 30, 2002 - "Oh, he's not dead...NICE." -Anonymous

August 29, 2002 - "It's all beer and skittles." -Jason "Pete" Weston

August 28, 2002 - "So what if those two were fucking in church? The priests are banging seven year olds in the rectory." -Brad "Girth" Shelton

August 27, 2002 - "I'll ride your ass about it, that is if you ride mine." -Kim Ross

August 26, 2002 - "I'm the church lady. They made me do it." -Donna, from Maines

August 25, 2002 - "No, they refuse to. Because I'm a lesbian." -Kendall

August 24, 2002 - "Two left teeth - that means he can't dance...on his face." -Anonymous

August 23, 2002 - "He wants to fight. It's your birthday - you can't lose." -Dan Logue

August 22, 2002 - "Why should poor people look so good all of the time?" -Anonymous

August 21, 2002 - "Sperm-burping, motherless hole!" -Donna, from Maines

August 20, 2002 - "No, Elvis-Style is dying on the toilet." -Dan Logue

August 19, 2002 - "RANK POLE." -"Kansas City" Hannon

August 18, 2002 - "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." -Anonymous, courtesy of Cynthia Pfohl

August 17, 2002 - "Here I come...choo choo...woo woo." -Overheard

August 14-16, 2002 - "Why are you guys HUGGING?" -Overheard

August 13, 2002 - "I enjoy the hum of young boys coming." -Mr. Ed

June 19, 2002 - August 12, 2002 - "Did mom put fat people in the flower pot?" -Sara Resnick

June 18, 2002 - "That's like...almost carnival-like." -Jess Whalen

June 17, 2002 - "Then why are you jumping on him, Waterboy? You'll get a hernia larger than your dick!" -Donna, from Maines Cash and Carry by way of the bowling alley

June 15-16, 2002 - "I need therapy. That's why I take Prozac........................<snort>." -Donna

June 14, 2002 - "I was hit on by Ballwinkle." -Kansas City Hannon

June 13, 2002 - "You must be a Jedi at queefing!" -Mike "Vass" Vozza

June 12, 2002 - "He's going to have to start bringing Mrs. Harahaus to parties with him." -Kansas City Hannon

June 11, 2002 - "I love kindergarten." -Flip Sivulich

June 10, 2002 - "I wouldn't go to a sporting event where the odds are in favor of you dying as a spectator." -ChrisO

June 9, 2002 - "Mike Tyson is a Brontosaurus." -Nate Dickson

June 8, 2002 - "You just have to keep bebopping around..." -Mike Z.

June 6-7, 2002 - "...making the spectacular look routine." -Bill Walton

June 4-5, 2002 - "Being single is great. I only have to pay for one person when I go out." -"Kansas City" Hannon
"Except when Rory comes out." -El GaupO

June 3, 2002 - "Today has been an education; I saw a Baretta beat a Corvette in drag racing." -Overheard

June 2, 2002 - "I have a moist jungle of love down there." -Overheard

May 31-June 1, 2002 - "That's.................uh................my ex-girlfriend." -Kansas City Hannon

May 29-30, 2002 - "I'm the last guy to let you down." -A Gravedigger

May 28, 2002 - "Mikey Jenson, you remind me of Magic Johnnson, because it looks like you got AIDS." -Brendan Steed

May 27, 2002 - "I have a piercing." -Unknown
"Did that hurt?" -Kansas City Hannon

May 26, 2002 - "You are the man that made sliding headfirst illegal in Little League." -Jason Farrell

May 25, 2002 - "When I look at this floor, I feel that I am trying to swim to shore, but it never get closer." -Dez

May 23-24, 2002 - "Wow Kim, that's a lot of singles. Are you a topless dancer now? All those singles only go to prove that you're a topless dancer." -Mr. Hirschfield

May 22, 2002 - "That's slave labor. I don't care." -Linda Oryhon

May 21, 2002 - "He's too lazy to masterbate." -Keith Hannon, on Mike Stein

May 20, 2002 - "Will Ferrell stole my walkman...Will Ferrell cheats on his wife...Will Ferrell hates black people." -Tracy Morgan

May 18-19, 2002 - "Is this a musical?"
"Why, yes. It's Latin rap." -Jessie and Joe Fontana

May 17, 2002 - "Damn gasoline can almost hit me in the head!!" -Mike Z., with blood dripping down his face

May 16, 2002 - "I thought he was going to tap dance down the vestibule." -Joe Fontana, on Fr. Clement, at a funeral

May 15, 2002 - "I always wanted a daughter and I guess this is as close as I am going to get." -Clark "C-Man" Rich

May 14, 2002 - "Is she from Russia?" -Andie
"She's from Whitesboro." -Tony Fontana

May 13, 2002 - "I just wasted a hyperlink on you." -"Big Gay" Colantuoni

May 12, 2002 - "Do you think 'The Sopranos' would be so popular if Tony Soprano was Leon Jackson and it was an all-black cast?"
"No, it would be called 'What's Happenin'." -Overheard, by Anonymous

May 11, 2002 - "I think Jack Turck is dating my ex-girlfriend. She's such a whore." -Frank Pahucki

May 10, 2002 - "I'm not an Octagenarian." -Kim "Karen" Ross

May 9, 2002 - "...I had to draw a picture of my penis..." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

May 8, 2002 - "My computer is worse than EuroDisney." -Lauren Hirshfield

May 7, 2002 - "Your pops is looking diesel. He should be a bouncer at the IceHouse." -ChrisO

May 6, 2002 - "Damned dial-up. I want to slit my wrists with my ethernet card." -Anonymous

May 5, 2002 - "Yeah, I think they're umm...umm...ummm...refugees ." -Barb Constable

May 4, 2002 - "I have to get my exam done in an hour - I have to watch 'General Hospital'." -Andie Fontana

May 3, 2002 - "God, I wish I had a body like that." -Deanna Siegfried, while sitting on the couch, eating Chee-Tos and watching a Tae-Bo tape

May 2, 2002 - "Get your boobs out of my face." - Sara Resnick

April 30 - May 1, 2002 - Scott: "Well, I had the TV on the channel of the game, but I don't get it my room - so I just listened to it."
Todd: (who gets the channel in is room): "That sucks, you should have just gone out to your car and listened to it there."

April 29, 2002 - "I gave it my body and mind, but I have kept my soul." -Phil Jackson

April 28, 2002 - "Pussywillows." -Overheard

April 27, 2002 - No Quote of the Day in honor of Thumper, Billy "Ho" Newport's dog. Rest in peace.

April 26, 2002 - "...animal cookies in my bin..." -Andie Fontana

April 25, 2002 (Non-Quote) - WOULD SOMEONE SEND ME SOME QUOTES?! I GOT NOTHIN'...

April 24, 2002 - "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?" -Woody
"Alright, but stop me at one. Make that one-thirty." -Norm Peterson

April 23, 2002 - "How did he go?"-Josh
"With his light beaming bright in the middle of the night." -Mike Nako, on the death of Mr. Scanner

April 22, 2002 - "Endwell?" -Rosey Moleski
"Yeah, not to be confused with Endicott." -Jason "Meat" Donlin
"I mean, but why Endwell, doofus?" -Rosey
"Because that's where f'n Doc lives. Man, for a doctor you aren't very smart." -Meat

April 21, 2002 - "If Belinda Carlisle was in town, I would try and take her home."-Anonymous

April 20, 2002 - "Your great-grandfather was a farmer. And his cousin, well...err...he distilled what your great-grandfather grew."-Linda Oryhon

April 19, 2002 - "Look, a slash is a slash; and when I see a slash I'll call a slash. And just because you got slashed doesn't mean I am going to call a slash. So go to the bench."-A Hockey Referee

April 18, 2002 - "Didn't sing, didn't bump my head to the beat, just observed and made sure not to get my ass beat. I thought the words in my head."-ChrisO, at a Nas concert

April 17, 2002 - "I think that Truman from 'The Truman Show' would beat the shit out of Ed from 'EdTV'."-Allen Solomon

April 16, 2002 -
"Yeah, Grandpa was a pimp, I guess." - Myron Oryhon
"Well, I guess it skips a generation."-Josh Oryhon

April 15, 2002 - "My parents bought more apricots today. I'm convinced that they don't love me." -Anonymous

April 14, 2002 - "If I was Superman and I was scoring with a hot chick, I'd reverse the spin of the earth so I could do it all over again." -Matt Russo

April 13, 2002 -
"I thought you said your boy was clean." "I thought you said your boy was clean." -Frank
"Yeah. Why?" -Scottie
"I ran his (Dan Baker) license; he has 2 DUIs, 30 MPH over in a school zone, and a hit and run reported on his license plate." -Frank
"Sounds about right." -Scottie

April 12, 2002 -
"I think your receptionist is on Pluto.
"What do you mean, sir?
"You're a licensed company so you tape your incoming calls, right?
"Yes sir, we do."
"Weel, grab the tape and some popcorn, it should be a show." -Overheard

April 11, 2002 -
"Hey what did happen with Josh?"
"Long story..."
"Do you think his name is really Josh Oryhon?" -Overheard at the ASU Geto Boy Hockey Meeting

April 10, 2002 - "I'm all furry." -Andie Fontana

April 9, 2002 - "I don't care how many zeros you account has, you're still an asshole." -Scott "My Nickname Does Not Please Me" Solomon

April 8, 2002 - "I'm not gonna let it get me down. I'm not gonna cry. And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight." -Jo Dee Messina

April 5-7, 2002 - "He has Elmo on speed dial." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

April 4, 2002 - "Hi Brian." -Some Girl in Tthe Dining Hall
"TWITCH TWITCH TWITCH." -Jay$$$Love, Little Jon, Brian "Manuel" Flanagan and JoshO

April 3, 2002 - "I'm not high maintenance...............Josh, can you roll up my sleeve?" -Andie Fontana

April 2, 2002 - "I'm married - I don't use condoms." -Anonymous

April 1, 2002 - "Twitch, stop being a whomp rat." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

March 28-March 31, 2002 -
"What happens?" -Adam
"We all die." -Ted
"Oh, that sucks. I can feel my finger." -Adam

March 27, 2002 - "When Burker King says 'Flame Broiled' they mean it. It is a true fact that Burger King is the number one restaurant chain for fire accidents." -"Heavy" Kevvy Doebler

March 26, 2002 - "Every morning at 4:13am my alarm goes off. I wake up, put toothpaste all over my body, and then go back to bed." -Josh Horowitz

March 25, 2002 - "Do NOT make fun of the number 43." -Jay$$$ Love, on NASCAR

March 24, 2002 - "I never wanted to hit a bitch until I met you." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

March 23, 2002 - "It's not prostitution. I didn't pay for it. My dad's proud of me." -Jay$$$ Love

March 22, 2002 - "I called my girlfriend's house and told her parents that I love them. And I'm drinking Boone's." -Kevin Patton

March 21, 2002 - "You're the guy that came here in a shopping cart!" -Anonymous

March 20, 2002 - "Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are like sisters to me...I feel like just yesterday I was helping Uncle Jesse change their diapers on 'Full House'." -"Heavy" Kevvy Doebler

March 19, 2002 - "Gibson tries to hide the fact that he sells drugs and steals stuff from convenience stores from his coach. Like I give a shit." -Scott Solomon

March 18, 2002 - "By the way, I farted in there and blamed it on you." -Anonymous

March 17, 2002 - "It's not me; it's the blue jeans talking." - Brian "Flanny" Flanagan

March 16, 2002 - "I'm here to exterminate a War Pig." - Andie Fontana

March 15, 2002 - "It's always Christmas in Baker's nose." -Paul Olsen

March 14, 2002 - "You're washing your face with hair gel." -Mike Crean

March 13, 2002 - "Oh, I am definitely going Pigging tonight...WHEEEEEEEEEE." -The Dude

March 12, 2002 - "You know you lost when your coach is brown-bagging a 40." -Billy "Ho" Newport

March 11, 2002 - "According to Taj, the bathrooms on campus are a great place to masterbate." -Overheard

March 10, 2002 - "Hookers are like Dodge Neons. You're happy to use them but you don't want to be seen in public with them." -"Heavy" Kevvy Doebler

March 9, 2002 - "You crazy bitch...mom." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

March 8, 2002 - "I think Shelton was in 'Band of Brothers'." -JoshO

"But there were no mullets in World War II". -Olsen

March 7, 2002 - "I was so upset by the repeat Quotes of the Days that I left work." -Scott Solomon

March 6, 2002 - "The Pope is cute. He's so wrinkly." -Vicki "Big Clit"

March 5, 2002 - "I LOVE porn." -Melissa Mastrogiacomo

March 4, 2002 - Yeah, my bad. I had the same Quote as February 28th for today's Quote. My condolences.

March 2-3, 2002 - "Are you here for the feeding?" -Paul Olsen, to the fat girl at Sadie's

March 1, 2002 - "I was a perfect gentleman the entire night, and God knows that's not my forte." -Brad "Girth" Shelton

Februrary 28, 2002 - "I stopped carrying my laptop to work because it was too heavy." -Scott Solomon

February 27, 2002 - "My balls still hurt in the third period." -Mike Testa

February 26, 2002 - "You hang out with people who do these things?" -Jenna
"I hire them." -Scott Solomon

February 25, 2002 - "They were like, 'What did Quentin say?', and I was like, 'Chill, it's f'n Mr. Tarantino to you, Quentin to me'." -ChrisO

February 23-24, 2002 - "Leclair is a real American hero. He's like GI Joe on skates." -Brian "JD" Dowd

February 22, 2002 - "You can wear a MCHC ring, but you can't wear a wedding ring?" -Machel Craig

Februrary 21, 2002 - "I don't think that 'Quentin Tarantino' would come up on my spell check." -ChrisO

February 20, 2002 - "Look at me when I'm talking to you, son." -The Dude, talking trash at NYU

February 19, 2002 - "I woke up this morning naked from the waist down, wearing an orange sweater and listening to Men At Work." -Jay$$$Love Kunka

February 18, 2002- "Does the Russian hockey team have a 'K' on their jersey for 'Kaptain'?" -Brad "Girth" Shelton

February 17, 2002 - "Half of their budget goes to skate rentals." -Scott Solomon on Columbia's hockey team

February 16, 2002 - "...I get very testy. You can ask the College of St. Rose football team, because I did not let them off the coach until they cleaned it. OK, so I'm very strict on that rule. I like a clean coach, so keep it that way. If you need additional trash recepticles, they are available. OK, any questions?" -The Busdriver...not Mike

February 15, 2002 - "I can't wait to give myself a Dutch Oven." -Brian "B-Man" Flanagan
February 14, 2002 -
Vicki: "What is the only person on a Pez Dispenser?"
Josh: "Santa Claus."
Stacy (whispering): "Superman."

February 12-13, 2002 - "Super Bowl Sunday - the one day a year that I don't have to take my Lithium." -Brad "Girth" Shelton

APOLOGIES TO ALL - Updates for this week will occur on Tuesday, February 12. We think we can make it up to you by offering 50 new photos to oggle. Sorry for any inconvience.

February 11, 2002 - "Did they meet in a low self-esteem chatroom?" -Mikey Rich

February 10, 2002 - "The Pope is so cute. He's so wrinkly." -Vicki "Big Clit"

February 9, 2002 - "Who eats THAT?" -Diane, referring to Crackin' Oat Bran

February 8, 2002 - "My entire family smells like bloodhounds." -Andie Fontana

February 7, 2002 - "If you like this song, your girlfriend has a mullet." -Damon

February 6, 2002 - "I'll be collecting Social Security by the time I graduate college." - Brad Shelton

February 5, 2002 - "Oh my God, you reek of cheese and pickles." -Michelle Green

February 4, 2002 - "I think that's one of the things that my grandmother stole from CVS." -Vicki "Big Clit"

February 3, 2002 - "There were three types of Renaissance art: Northern, Southern and Batman." -Anonymous

February 2, 2002 - "I'm trying Bulemia as my new diet." -Sara Resnick

February 1, 2002 - "No. All I have to do is think about porn." -Brad "Girth" Shelton

January 31, 2002 - "The ladies got to me. That's what happened." -Jay$$$ Kunka

January 30, 2002 - "It's the end of the word; I hate to do this to you...." -Brad Shelton
"...but call your sister." -Jeff Ross

January 29, 2002 - "If I am going to be head of the sluts then I better be 'Quote of the Day'.." -Melissa Seelman

January 28, 2002 - "This is a Doublemint commercial." -Josh Horowitz

January 27, 2002 - "One time in 6th grade, someone stole my chicken nugget so I jacked the motherfucker." -Damon

January 26, 2002 - "Yeah, they're usually hobos." -Anonymous

January 25, 2002 - "My moral judgment may be compromised in about two hours." -Billy "Ho" Newport

January 24, 2002 - "I'm older than you. I don't have to go to practice." -Brad Shelton

January 23, 2002 - "I don't know where you are, but this is Albany." -Taj Penasso

December 18, 2001 - January 22, 2002 - "I am going to beat it." -Vicki "Big Clit"

December 17, 2001 - "If Jesus is real, then you are going to hell." -Josh Horowitz

December 16, 2001- "I can't believe that I traded my shirt for some Montrose whore's thong...BAD trade...because I can't wear that thong like I could a shirt...it just feels funny around my neck and besides, it's not very warm." -Rob Van Dine

December 15, 2001 - "Class time ain't valuable because we learn everything, but because they charge us so damn much to go." -"Heavy" Kevvy Doebler

December 14, 2001 - "The Taint is a bundle of nerves that is very responsive to touch. It's also where you hide the Fromundah Cheese." -Anonymous

December 13, 2001 - "Bigclit, who did you talk to about my penis?" -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

December 12, 2001 - "Yeah, he's madd cool. I would have taken him home but my mom doesn't like it when I take home black guys." -Jessica Resnick

December 10-11, 2001 - "I went through a stage once when I wouldn't eat hamburgers because I thought there was ham in them." -SLF

December 9, 2001 - "Don't use my word...." -Baba Arson, referring to the F-Word

December 8, 2001 - "I got to practice the thumb thing. That's all the NASCAR drivers use." -"Heavy" Kevvy Doebler

December 7, 2001 - "We're tired of eating raisins and peanut butter." -Bill Banovic

December 4-6, 2001 - "Man! Roller hockey is a BEAR." -Mikey Rich

December 3, 2001 - "If dick length was determined by money, I would poke out the eye of every girl that I saw." -John Reyes

December 2, 2001 - "I saw your dad going down a hill on a mattress." -Brendan Brader

December 1, 2001 - "You play 'Hungry, Hungry Hippo' style of goaltending." -Jeff "Rossy" Ross

November 30, 2001 - "She's really active in the gay community. Me, I just have gay relatives." -Sara Resnick

November 29, 2001 - "I tripped somebody last week. It was hot." -Paul Olsen

November 28, 2001 - "You went 1-1 in your last two home games and only had to skate for 57 minutes." -Lance Edlemen, coach of SUNY-New Paltz

November 27, 2001 - "I am not really comfortable with Long Island being in the same country as us, let alone the same state. Is there any way to un-annex them?" -Danielle Bremner

November 26, 2001 - "There's not a tense muscle in my body, I feel like a wet sock." -Billy "Ho" Newport

November 25, 2001 - "All she knows is that she's on her stomach and Rossy's talking about pain." -Brendan Brader

November 18-24, 2001 - "Of course butter is bad for you. Everything that is good is bad. Like sex..." -Baba Arson

November 17, 2001 - "And just for the record, I am not a big fan og slap bracelets." -Casey Lake

November 16, 2001 - "That's snow in my opinion." -Mike, the Busdriver

November 15, 2001 - "Can I get two breasts, a Coke and a pack of Marbs?" -Zach "Mustafa" Seliga

November 14, 2001 - "Tacogoblin - period. There's just one of me." -The Dude

November 13, 2001 - "Somebody needs to tell Flanagan that I did not eat his meat." -Jessica Resnick

November 12, 2001 - "I actually have a lot in common with him these days. My brain has also turned to mush." -Brendan Brader, on Ronald Reagan

November 10-11, 2001 - "Shelton just fell down the stairs and bummed a cigarette from a bum, yo." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

November 9, 2001 -
"Josh has a girlfriend?!?" -Jessica
"He's a hockey player." -Julian
---Silence---
"Hockey players get the girls." -Julian
"Hockey players have mullets." -Jessica
"Not Josh." -Julian

November 8, 2001 - "Make a sign that says, 'My name is Jeff Ross - I'm a pussy'." -Mike Crean

November 7, 2001 - "Number 24, you are such a GOON." -Trumpet Guy's Wife

November 6, 2001 - "Maybe George Steinbrenner built the Twin Towers, too. Both them and the Yankees collapsed under pressure and devestated NYC..." -"Heavy" Kevvy Doebler

November 2-5, 2001 - "You could live off the fat of the lamb for quite a while, Flanny." -Dan Baker

November 1, 2001 - "Ooh, socks." -SLF

October 31, 2001 - "It was just a little brown cap, don't worry about it ." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

October 30, 2001 - "She has 'Big Nipple Personality'." -Dan Baker

October 29, 2001 - "Leidenhiem, we could train a monkey to do your job." -Robert "The Bob" Bedford

October 28, 2001 - "It's amazing what you can do with felt." -Carol Wasylko

October 25-27, 2001 - "Suck my balls." from "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut"

October 24, 2001 - "If it ain't Koolzak, it's just another schmata." -Tee Shirt

October 23, 2001 - "My dad would have given me a pound, and my mom would have given me the 'Gentleman Speech'." -Billy "Ho" Newport

October 22, 2001 - "FUCK WAGNER!" -ASU Geto Boy Hockey team, after beating Wagner 7-4

October 21, 2001 - "He looks like a snowman." -Dan Baker, referring to my dad

October 20, 2001 - "I will spank him until he screams." -Jeremy Piven, on Gavin Rosdale

October 19, 2001 - "Holding grudges doesn't run in the family." -Sara Resnick

October 18, 2001 - "So the hockey stick broke...I thought those were expensive. You think they'll get a refund?" -SLF

October 17, 2001 - "That is better than her asking me to go to my 9:45 class so her and her boyfriend can have sex in my room." -Sara Resnick

October 16, 2001 - "Gary Bettman called me today and asked me to explain Icing." -Dennis Miller

October 15, 2001 - "Want to have a Flanny Sandwich?" -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

October 14, 2001 - "I never met Dave Kingman, but I admire his work." -Anonymous

October 13, 2001 - "I haven't seen a promotion like 'Free Range Chicken Night' since Windsor's homecoming game." -"Heavy" Kevvy Doebler

October 12, 2001 - "There's no difference between Christians and Jews, besides that whole Christmas/Easter thing" -Jessica Resnick

October 11, 2001 - "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." -Bob Weir, during "Estimated Prophet"

October 10, 2001 - "Buckeroo, er...Buckeye." -Vicki "Big Clit"

October 9, 2001 - "...unlike the mean boy on the couch, singing, with the strange penis." -Jessica Resnick, on Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

October 5-8, 2001 - "Brad...is that Poison?" -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

October 4, 2001 - "You have, like...bunions." -Diane, referring to Brian "Manuel" Flanagan's feet

October 3, 2001 - "Breckie." -Dan Baker

October 2, 2001 - "In other words, the count dissed him, right?" -Charles Rougle, on Silvio

October 1, 2001 - "When I take action I'm not going to fire a two million dollar missile at a ten dollar empty tent and hit a camel in the butt." -George W. Bush

September 30, 2001 - "Coach, there's three teams out here." -Referee, on Staten Island

September 29, 2001 - "Who's splitting atoms here? I'm just trying to get a hummer." -Billy "Ho" Newport

September 27-28, 2001 - "I'm a rolling stone, baby. I'm a cowboy, don't fence me in." -Charles Rougle, on Eugene Onegin

September 26, 2001 - "'Pirate's Booty'; the best booty you'll ever get." -Kim Cring

September 25, 2001 - "The tragedy a week ago has impacted a lot of people, one of them is country singer Lee Greenwood ('I'm Proud To Be An American') who unexpectedly has to work again. " -Keith Hannon

September 24, 2001 - "That's classy. " -Devon, a stripper

September 22-23, 2001 - "This climate is perfectly suited for the Devil himself. " -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

September 21, 2001 - "Since when did you you become a big Dale Murphy fan?" -Brad Shelton

September 20, 2001 - "I only cough when...I'm sick." -Anonymous

September 19, 2001 - "I am a lovable ball of dough." -Chad Diamantopoulous

September 18, 2001 - "We have a Canadian mafia." -Dan Baker

September 17, 2001 - "Tequila is the Osama Bin Laden of alcohol." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

September 15-16, 2001 - No Quote of the Day - Peter Jennings RULES

September 14, 2001 - "Every time I drive by a lake, I close my eyes." -Anonymous

September 13, 2001 - "We hope they are going to come to a conclusive conclusion." -President George W. Bush

September 12, 2001 - "Your grandfather didn't have shoes." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

September 11, 2001 - "Whore, don't kick the hippo." -Jessica Resnick

September 10, 2001 - "My school colors were clear." -Steven Wright

September 9, 2001 - "I stand around like I'm a sack of dimes." -Brendan Brader

September 8, 2001 - "Tell her you want to take E with her, and just feed her two of them and abuse her for eight hours." -Adam Helfgot

September 7, 2001 - "Yo, you chubby." -Mikey Rich

September 6, 2001 - "Tight bitch!" -Morgan Matthews

September 5, 2001 - "It's a still a Pontiac..." -Rich Pittenger

September 4, 2001 - "We've been together for five years. I don't need to walk ten feet to say hi." -Scott Solomon

September 3, 2001 - "So...I can't wear shorts...Cankles." -Brian Flanagan

September 1-2, 2001 - "Rain will keep you out of class, but it won't keep you out of drinking." -"Diamond" Dave Totten

August 31, 2001 - "Cagney's rules. " -Anonymous

August 30, 2001 - "And he [John Gotti] rang that bell all the way home. " -Tony Soprano

August 29, 2001 - "So when are you expecting...?" -Scott Solomon to Brad Shelton

August 28, 2001 - "I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so why should I give a shit if they are Socialists?" -Chris Onysko

August 27, 2001 - "WALKING WHILE INTOXICATED!" -Jason Donlin, walking at the DWI checkpoint in front of Kennedy Fried Chicken

August 26, 2001 - "So what did you do this summer?" -Mary, at Dirty Dan's

August 25, 2001 - "Yo, motherfucker, get off my Kool-Aid." -from "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"

August 24, 2001 - "English people speak German." -Eric Smith

August 23, 2001 - "He said 'I love short women'. I would think that being 6'8" he might as well say 'I love women.'" -Bertha Bois

August 22, 2001 - "I can't see and my head itches." -Cal Heinle

August 21, 2001 - "That's the way, scholar." -Tim Kent

August 20, 2001 - "I'm not yoking; pass me the yuice and the yelly." -Yago Ybanez

June 25 - August 19, 2001 - Closed for the Summer

June 23, 2001 - "If she was deaf, she'd be better." -Rory "Charles Mahar" Tobias

June 22, 2001 - "That pie is laced in the Holy Spirit." -Keith Hannon

June 21, 2001 - "The sky is the limit. And we have a rocketship that is ASU hockey." -Jeff Ross

June 20, 2001 - "He's my man, you faggot." -Gary's Tank-Ass Girlfriend

June 19, 2001 - "The only time I've ever seen Cal smile was the time that I gave you guys free Hershey's pies at Burger King." -Andy Tobias

June 18, 2001 - "I'll take Micha, medium rare." -Keith "The Cannon" Hannon

June 17, 2001 - "Sweetie, you don't have a chance." -Waitress at Denny's

"Ah, thank you very much, you just keep on making $5.15 an hour." -Jon

June 16, 2001 - "Besides being a pathological liar, I am probably the most honest person you know." -Jessica Resnick

June 15, 2001 - "SHOULD HAVE GONE TO COLLEGE!" -Joe Doebler, on Kobe Bryant

June 14, 2001 - "Doesn't the thing that pops out of the guy's stomach at the end of 'SpaceBalls' look like Brian Sas?" -Rory Tobias

June 13, 2001 - "I love to watch Ruminskis fail." -Cal Heinle

June 12, 2001 - "We live in Johnson City, NY and not Dawson's Creek." -Joe Doebler

June 11, 2001 - "You have glitter on your forehead - it's making me horny." -Jason "Meat" Donlin

June 10, 2001 - While he was vomiting: "So, you want to make out with me?" -Bill Banovic

June 9, 2001 - "She definitely like the black man." -Johanna Ruffo

June 8, 2001 - "That was like the time we made Teresa buy us beer when she was pregnant. We told her her to tell the clerk if he gave her a dirty look - 'I'm drinking for two, you know'." -Brian Bailey

June 7, 2001 - "They had to give my mom a C-Section because my head was two times larger than hers." -Sara Resnick

June 6, 2001 - "That's line three - That means you have to sleep with us." -Anna Mark

June 5, 2001 - "If you would've picked a kid to die from our class, you would think it would be one of the mentally-challenged." -"Heavy" Kevvy Doebler

June 4, 2001 - "If I didn't have two kids, I'd get with that blonde." -Willy Harder

June 3, 2001 - "Yes, and I'm the Pope and we can all have tea and crumpets at the Vatican." -Jessica Resnick

June 2, 2001 - "And now I can eat some cake." -Metropolitan Constantine

June 1, 2001 - "I want to meet a gay guy because they have all the money." -Anna Mark

May 31, 2001 - "Naw, he's just grown into his teeth." -Cal Heinle

May 30, 2001 - Flanny - "Are those really crackheads across the street?"

Josh - "Why?"

Flanny - "They keep looking at my car."

Josh - "That's a dog."

May 29, 2001 - "I mean nature's cool, but it's all the same, so a little goes a long way." -Bertha Bois

May 25-28, 2001 - "I ate too much." (40000000 times) -Bob Bedford

May 24, 2001 - "Why do people like to refer to me as a female sexual organ?" -Vicki "Big Clit"

May 23, 2001 - "Dad, get back in my pocket." -George Carney, on midgets

May 22, 2001 - "I had to itch my nose, and I lost control." -Doug Gilliand

May 21, 2001 - "Gabe should have been a blowjob." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

May 18-20, 2001 - "I thought I took care of myself." -Mickey Mantle

May 17, 2001 - "I'm your date, fucking asshole. Don't you want your date to look good?" -Brian Flanagan

May 16, 2001 - "'High Times?!' My parents don't even read 'High Times'!" -Bobby Bedford

May 15, 2001 - "Do you realize what your boyfriend is doing?"

"Yeah. Being gay." -Bre

May 14, 2001 - "It's not on the internet, it's on my website." -Tasha Broadwell

May 13, 2001 - "Go inside, before you start a fight that I finish." -George Carney

May 12, 2001 - "Billy, how do you taste anything?" -Johnny Load

May 11, 2001 - "I might be little, but I'm big in the middle." -Unidentified 12 year old Hispanic kid on Western Ave.

May 10, 2001 - "What would Mike Crean and George Carney's love child look like? A bloated Bob Saget." -Toddero

May 9, 2001 - "I raped the Lil' Bow-Wow; they have to give him seven stitches. The mofo is still bleeding, yo!" -Bre

May 8, 2001 - "We (Americans) never enslaved anyone." -Lauren Prinn

May 7, 2001 - "Tonight I'm going to impregnate all the women on the floor."-Doug Gilliand

May 6, 2001 - "Brader, we want to have sex in your car."-Tai and Janine

May 5, 2001 - "That kid is so pasty, we could put him in a bottle of Elmer's Glue and paste stuff with him."-Tasha Broadwell

May 4, 2001 - "At least my teeth match my shirt."-Brian Flanagan

May 3, 2001 - "Will someone please pick Ritter up off the floor? I'm sick of it!"-Jason Donlin

May 2, 2001 - "Yo, we got to watch 'TRL'."-Bobby Bedford

May 1, 2001 - "Big city, hmm? Live. Work, huh? But. Only peoples. Peoples is peoples. No is buildings. Is tomatoes, huh? Is peoples. Is dancing, is music, is potatoes. So, peoples is peoples, ok?"-Pete, from "Muppets Take Manhattan"

April 30, 2001 - "I was going to get something else too, but the machine wouldn't accept my second dollar...so basically the machine was like, 'You already got something, fatty'."-Christine Quinn

April 29, 2001 - "Best season of my life. I never want to do it again."-Roger Maris

April 28, 2001 - "I'll beat Mikey's ass any day of the week, and twice on Sunday!"-Diamond Dave Totten

April 27, 2001 - "Oh dip, those are my resilient niggas from our nation's capital."-Anonymous

April 26, 2001 - "We're funny, we're funny, we're fucking awesome."-Billy "Ho" Newport

April 25, 2001 - "You know it's the hockey banquet when all the drinks are All-Sport."-Mike Crean

April 24, 2001 - "If Bruce Willis came in and wanted to have sex...I think I would."-Joe "Bob" Schieve

April 23, 2001 - "And I'm the Jew?"-Scott Solomon

April 22, 2001 - "I'll toss your salad." -Bree, to Scott Solomon

"Bree - 'Quote of the Day'? Nope, no, no, no, no no 'Quote of the Day'."-Diamond Dave

"Fuck you, I'm still getting 'Quote of the Day', you bitch."-Bree

"Bree will beat Diamond's ass tomorrow, but still won't have 'Quote of the Day'."-Diamond Dave

April 21, 2001 - "AE77? [on a shirt] I don't comprehend that shit." -Black Guy on the Street

April 20, 2001 - "You're a pretty good looking girl. You'd make a good lesbian." -Joe Schieve, to Amy Coyne

April 19, 2001 - "Is she hot? Not that I'm a fine piece..." -Billy "Ho" Newport

April 18, 2001 - "That girl looks like Jon Kocan with boobs." -Anonymous

April 17, 2001 - "No more licky-licky for the chotchy-chotchy." -Dan Baker

April 8 - April 16, 2001 - "I know you, rider, gonna miss me when I'm gone." -Grateful Dead

April 7, 2001 - "He should have been drowned at birth." -Overheard

April 6, 2001 - "Ross is the nicest molester I know." -Brian Flanagan

April 5, 2001 - "No one wants to lick my arm - it's too hairy." -Overheard

April 4, 2001 - "I am never serious unless I am crying." -Lindsey Korda

April 3, 2001 - "I was so drunk, all I wanted to do was stick my head in the toilet." -Liz Truman

April 2, 2001 - "I'll piss where I wanna." -Homeless man urinating on Central Ave. during rush hour

April 1, 2001 - "Yeah, April Break. When you killed Christ. Yeah, that's cool." -Mikey Rich

March 31, 2001 - "Girls are just stupid. That is the bottom line, and they are the root of all problems." -Jeff Ross

March 30, 2001 - Although there isn't a quote, this space is devoted to Marty, the ever-happy drunk townie guy from Pauly's. We befriended him last night and he bought what had to be 25 shots for us. With that accomplishment we named him as honoray captain for the 2001-02 year. What a fantastic fellow. Later on in the evening, he reported that he had 100 dollars stolen from him. And let me tell you, we were ready to fight for him.

March 29, 2001 - "Stop putting condiments on your genitals." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

March 28, 2001 - "You're all a bunch of marbles." -Jeff Ross

March 27, 2001 - "Stick the tip in. Just the tip. It doesn't count ." -Brian Flanagan

March 26, 2001 - "I want to go to USA Chicken. But I have a disorder. It's called 'I'm Fat'." -Bobby Bedford

March 23-25, 2001 - "Get this girl a beer - she has a broken heart." -John Ledenheim (and he was still really serious)

March 22, 2001 - "Is it worth the STD?" -Unidentified person in car

March 21, 2001 - "White Castle is most ghetto place I have ever ate. I'm surprised that Albany doesn't have like ten of them." - Diamond Dave Totten

March 20, 2001 - "You have the most beautiful eyes I've seen in years." - John Leidenhiem (and he was serious!)

March 14-19, 2001 - Josh: "You want to make money on this?"

Jason: "I'd be more happy not losing any."

March 13, 2001 - "Oh Dip, I didn't see NOTHING. I didn't kill no motherfuckin' lion." -from Saturday Night Live

March 12, 2001 - It's not really a quote, but it was damn cool how Rossi and Big Gay Dan started charging admission to the kids at the bar. We made so much money. God bless you.

March 11, 2001 - "Oh shit, at least you didn't wake up with him over you saying, 'Oh, that's not the toilet'." -Jeff Ross. Congrats to you, Bobby Bedford and OB on your last ASU game

March 10, 2001 - "She wasn't yelling at you; she was trying to find you a guy." -A Fourteen Year-Old

March 9, 2001 - "I don't care what anyone says, you guys are great." -Brendan Brader, to the referees, before he was kicked out of the game

March 8, 2001 - "I hate immigrants - they always think they're so smooth." -Billy "Ho" Newport

February 23, 2001 - March 7, 2001 - "Why do they call it a 'fly' when it's only a zipper on your pants?" -John "The Ambassador" Meschisen

February 22, 2001 - "Oh my infernoness..." -Lindsey Korda

February 21, 2001 - "I can't dance with you - I get erections really easily. -Brian Flanagan

February 20, 2001 - "Is she the one with the mustache?" -Brendan Brader

February 16-19, 2001 - "Creaner, you look like a Carebear." -Jeff Ross

February 15, 2001 - "The directions said to take the Broadway exit after crossing the bridge. There is no exit. Do you want to come up here and read the goddamn map?" -The Busdriver

February 14, 2001 - "I have no problems putting on the panties - Baker shaves my legs." -Jeff Ross

February 13, 2001 - "Jacobs should butter his hips so he can split the defense." -Billy Newport

February 12, 2001 - On Birth Control: "Just punch her in the stomach two months down the road." -Brendan Brader

February 9-11, 2001 - "I found my pants in Bakers' room." -Bobby Bedford

February 8, 2001 - "His dick is too small to be in Penthouse." -Brendan Brader

February 7, 2001 - "I pee from there, you asshole." -Jeff Ross

February 6, 2001 - "You're going to die someday - why not while catching a punt?" -XFL Football Announcer

February 4-5, 2001 - "I just have an annoucement to make: I paid more for this drink than I did for my shirt." -Jason Donlin

February 2-3, 2001 - "I'm so happy I'm not a Mormon." -Jeff Ross

February 1, 2001 - "Leave another note on my car and I'll beat your white ass." -The Note on Bob Bedford's Jeep

January 31, 2001 - "Most people think that life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then--one day--you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehablilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then--one day--you step off a curb at Sixty-Seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe." -Denis Leary

January 30, 2001 - "OOOpalous is the coolest closet homosexual I know." -Brian Flanagan

January 29, 2001 - "If you run out of toilet paper, never wipe with napkins." -Mike Plue

January 28, 2001 - "We had a crush on a girl in a fat suit, who happens to be a 27 year old, divorced, nymphomaniac mother." -Drew Paton

January 27, 2001 - "If you don't give up rebounds, you won't be on SportsCenter." -Scott Solomon

January 26, 2001 - "Fucking Mormons." -Dan Baker

January 25, 2001 - "Play some 'Frankenstein'!!" -Jason Donlin, at the top of his lungs, 1000000000 times

January 24, 2001 - "Dave Matthews is not gay..................he's Bi." -Chuck Thornton

January 23, 2001 - Tom Meade: "What's the matter, Taylor? Your mom yell at you?"

John Taylor: "My mother died when I was seven; now don't bring it up again!"

January 22, 2001 - "Well Terry, I'm not EXACTLY in the band..." -Joe Jenson, as the gay roadie

January 21, 2001 - "Bank Whore: Your account has been closed.

Me: When?

Bank Whore: Yesterday.

Me: Can I reopen it?

Bank Whore: No.

Me: Thanks a lot. (starts to leave).

Bank Whore: ...But we still need the money you owe us." -Drew Paton

January 20, 2001 - "ASU will defeat Stony Brook on the 26th...hahahahahaha." -Brian Flanagan

January 19, 2001 - "I'm bloated, stop bugging me." -Dan Baker

January 18, 2001 - "Yeah, wah wah wah wah." -Jason Fedish's impression of Arnold The Pig

January 16 - January 17, 2001 - "Next thing you know, Zeitz is going to take his shirt off." -Dave Ritter

December 29, 2000 - January 16, 2001 - "I look to meet redheads because their hair is the color of blood." -Justin

December 28, 2000 - "That's when I get car sick - stuck in traffic." -lady at the airport

December 27, 2000 - "When you see helicopters, you know you've got trouble." -lady at the airport (thanks to Dan Baker for letting me know that I screwed up and never posted this quote)

December 26, 2000 - "Mediocrity - It takes a lot less time, and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late." -www.despair.com

December 25, 2000 - "His name is Mosher. I call him "Mighty Mosher'." -Mr X., the drunk guy at the Arab shop, buying a six pack

December 24, 2000 - "Here. Welcome to Albany." -Ted, the drunk guy on the bus, handing over a bag of Nutzels

December 23, 2000 - "Hey, do you know if anybody will be at The Post tonight?" -Mary

December 22, 2000 - "I am dying. I haven't drunk champagne for a long time." -Anton Chekhov

December 21, 2000 - "I've taken Shatners that have lasted longer than 8 minutes. " -Craig Kilborn

December 20, 2000 - "Prince Albert respects the Big Boss Man so much he'd give him the hair off his back. " -Jerry "The King" Lawler

December 19, 2000 - "I printed out Crean's speeches and my printer ran out of ink and I fell asleep waiting for it to finish. " -Dan Baker

December 18, 2000 - "From now on, no more man-ass pictures. It's bad for ratings. " -Jason Donlin

December 17, 2000 - "I'd give one year's salary to take a peek under that shirt. " -Johnny Carson, to Dolly Parton

December 16, 2000 - "What? Do you want to fight me?" (7,000,000 times) -Billy Newport

December 15, 2000 - "I've been realizing a lot of things lately, and I noticed that my ass has been getting more hairy in the past year." -Brian Flanagan

December 14, 2000 - "Jewish people do not suck, but Rossi said that he shit on his Bar Mitzvah." -Scott's Girlfriend

December 13, 2000 - "Ah well, uh, Scott's girlfriend say that Jewish people suck." -Jeff Ross

December 12, 2000 - "I already gave you a quote - 'Fuckin-A'." -Tim "OB" O'Brien

December 11, 2000 - "I wanna play hockey, maaaan. I'm going through f'n withdrawal, maaaan. I'm playing roller hockey with a bunch of bitches. I wanna play ice hockey, maaaan. -Joey "Poopy" Savan

December 10, 2000 - "Plue's camera was in 'Gladiator'. -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

December 9, 2000 - "What kind of away message is that? I was expecting something cool - like Baker and Rossi are having a gay affair. -Dan Baker

December 8, 2000 - "OOPALOUS." -Brian Flanagan, Brendan Brader, and everyone else at Dirty Dan's on 12/8/2000

December 7, 2000 - "I feel that the President's chair should be occupied by someone who looks so shot from drink thta you couldn't touch his face with a three day beating." -Venedikt Erofeev

December 6, 2000 -

"Soy

Black like chernozym

Sticky like medunyk (honey cake)

Runny like your "nic"

Under your bed like The bogie man ." -Julianna Dail

December 5, 2000 - "I used to do trades in that game just so I could hear the music." -Jay

December 4, 2000 - "The last one was called 'Karoba' and I never found out why." -Andy "The CanMan" Noia

December 3, 2000 - "He's got funny glasses...hit him." -George Carney

December 2, 2000 - "You're dead - I am going to shoot at your head for the rest of the season." -Billy "Ho" Newport

December 1, 2000 - "I think she's hot when she's not wearing leg-warmers." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

November 30, 2000 - "Brader, give me that piece of bologna." -Bob Bedford

November 29, 2000 - "That's where I read - the bathroom. Until your legs fall asleep and you can't get up." -Linda Oryhon

November 28, 2000 - "He's been a good bus driver; get that guy some beers." -Scott Conklin

November 22-27, 2000 - "He can't possibly be gay, it's not physically possible." -Joe Doebler

November 21, 2000 - "Black people like to do it in the butt." -Hillary Flanagan

November 20, 2000 - "Where else can I have lesbian sex, except in Hell?" -Christina

November 19, 2000 - "I'm not going to buy my grandmother a present a month before Christmas, because I don't know if she'll make it that long." -Brendan Brader

November 18, 2000 - "Next year's Rookie Job is going to be in charge of rolling Bedford around." -Brendan Brader

November 17, 2000 - "He's not coming out tonight because his girlfriend is a lesbian." -Brian "Manuel" Flanagan

November 16, 2000 - "Liquid Courage is the best kind." -Gabe Sganga

November 15, 2000 - "...rode up hard and put up wet..." -Keith Hale

November 14, 2000 - "Let's crawl under a rock and get a little boulder!" -Overheard

November 9-13, 2000 - "If you get both girls to come, I'll call you President-Elect Stalin." -Gabe Sganga

November 8, 2000 - "I hate Mexicans, but still..." -Liz Haig

November 7, 2000 - "Maybe you should get a better vocabulary!" -To Josh, after his foot was run over by George's car

November 6, 2000 - "Kiddie porn is OK." -Dan Baker

November 5, 2000 - "My equipment smells so bad that I am sitting here wishing I didn't have to sit next to myself." -Bob Bedford

November 4, 2000 - "My girlfriend took her SATs this morning." -Brendan Brader

November 3, 2000 - "When I was nine, I was molested by my Russian babysitter." -Mike Ryan

November 2, 2000 - "You are like one big testicle now." -Eder

November 1, 2000 - "It is the goal of my life to get a quote on your page." -Scott Solomon

October 31, 2000 - "oooooo...Sprinkle bar!" -George Carney

October 30, 2000 - "My mom makes good home fries...when she's not beating me." -Brian "Manuel" Flanigan

October 29, 2000 - "Yo, was I at Diamond's yesterday?" -Taj Penasso

October 28, 2000 - "I just got back from the bathroom, and I just realized something - my dick is awesome." -Brian "Manuel" Flanigan

October 27, 2000 - "My dick hurts from skating." -Jeff Ross

October 26, 2000 - "Thirteen and fourteen year old girls like the snap bracelets, that's how I got my girlfriend." -Brendan Brader

October 25, 2000 - "Where is the towel-head kid?" "Oh, you mean Asam Bin Laden?" -Overheard, in the Albany State University hockey locker room

October 24, 2000 - "You couldn't steal a ten dollar parking permit, but you could steal a thousand dollar bag of cocaine...?" -Overheard

October 23, 2000 - "Creaner's head looks like a potato." -George Carney

October 22, 2000 - "Brader, those cheerleaders are like twelve." -Gabe Sganga

October 21, 2000 - "She's a no-underwear-wearing-tank-ass." -Chuck Thornton

October 20, 2000 - "And from that day forward, it was bent upward." -Brian "Rodriguez" Flanigan

October 19, 2000 - "You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." -Yogi Berra

October 18, 2000 - "Mrs. Butterworth - you WHORE!" -Jason Donlin

October 17, 2000 - "Sex is like air, it doesn't matter unless you're not getting any." -Unknown

October 16, 2000 - "Tu nariz a la isquierda es en fuego." -Rosita Florez

October 15, 2000 - "Yo Leroy, get the '64! But don't hit no switches on the way over." -Arnold Farber

October 14, 2000 - "There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to-minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move." -Dave Letterman

October 13, 2000 - "Don't bullshit me. But if you do bullshit me, please bullshit me with some knowledge of the facts." -Henryk Baran

October 12, 2000 - "I wouldn't pay you a penny for that." -Chuck Thornton, referring to a duct tape purse

October 11, 2000 - "Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius. Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you? Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius" -Bill Watterson

October 9-10, 2000 - "Jobiah Fortner just jumped out the window!!" -Mrs. Rosener

October 6-8, 2000 - "He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed." -Robert Gronock

October 5, 2000 - "In heaven there is no beer." -Polka song

October 4, 2000 - "Thank you, Comrade Stalin, for a happy childhood." -Propaganda

October 3, 2000 - "There is no sincerer love than the love of food." -George Bernard Shaw

October 2, 2000 - "It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations." -Winston Churchill

October 1, 2000 - "My guitar wants to kill your mama, my guitar wants to burn your dad." -Frank Zappa

September 30, 2000 - "I am definitely one sexy-ass finkmeister." -Overheard

September 29, 2000 - "I bet he gives one hundred percent at practice, and you only give sixty." -Unidentified girl at Pauly's

September 28, 2000 - "What makes a good beaver?" -Dr. Rowe

September 27, 2000 - "If Debra's skirt were any shorter, it'd be a collar." -Jerry "The King" Lawler

September 26, 2000 - "Bill Bradski once drove an ice cream truck made out of human skulls." -Bill Bradski's friend

September 25, 2000 - "You a hott college boy, and I am just a slimy high school kid." -Martiena Schneller

September 23-24, 2000 - "There's no such thing as a mistake, just happy accidents." -Bob Ross

September 22, 2000 - "Ha, ha - you thought Chad fell out the window." -Chuck Thornton

September 21, 2000 - "If I was that big and gay, I'd be the biggest gay pimp ever." -Billy Newport

September 20, 2000 - "'Night Calls 2' - best movie ever." -Mikey Rich and Billy Newport

September 19, 2000 - "There is another sector of the media, the elite media, sometimes called the agenda-setting media because they are the ones with the big resources, they set the framework in which everyone else operates. The New York Times and CBS, that kind of thing." -Noam Chomsky

September 18, 2000 - "I know you have a boyfriend, but I need an ass to grab....HONK." -Jarrod Koch

September 17, 2000 - "She's not your type J.R., she's not inflatable." -Jerry "The King" Lawler

September 16, 2000 - "I'll just wrap an American flag around her head and fuck her for glory. Fuck her for the good ol' US-fuckingA." -Branden Cleary

September 15, 2000 - "Now here they come knocking at the door at the venerable door of this worthy Assembly, and what then, pray, are we to tell them, all these abominoids, howlmouths, freaksnouts, clenchpoops, corpse-lovers, mother-eaters, and addlepates, wringing their alleged hands and falling to their alleged knees...." -Stanislaw Lem

September 14, 2000 - "More over Lucifer, I'm more ruthlesser." -Notorious BIG

September 13, 2000 - "thong thong thong thong thong thong thong!" -Donlin, Westron 3000, Koch, Pinky and Doug

September 12, 2000 - "When CanMan Gets Bored...People Get Hurt." -Andy "The CanMan" Noia's t-shirt

September 11, 2000 - "YOBS YOBS YOBS." -Jason Weston

September 10, 2000 - "John, John, John, John, we are all like totally straight, don't let any of your friends hit on us." (repeat 10000000000 times) -Jason Donlin

September 9, 2000 - "DOUG, YOU'RE PREGNANT, YOU SHOULDNT BE DRINKING!" -Jason Donlin

September 8, 2000 - "Look at these cannons! Look at them! You like that?! Let's armwrestle!" -Jason Donlin

September 7, 2000 - "Hey baby, there's a party in my pants, and like, it's gonna be cool and stuff, and uhhhh,I'm a retard." -Jason Donlin

September 6, 2000 - "Hey Jarrod, why does this beer chip from Doug have a heart carved in to it?" -Jason Donlin

September 5, 2000 - "Fake head butt! Whammo!" -Jason Donlin

September 4, 2000 - "So, you want to kill this keg?" (400 times) -Jason Donlin, to Sheriff

September 3, 2000 - "She has a girlfriend now. She said, 'Guys don't do no more for me'." -Reel Big Fish

September 2, 2000 - "Hey, he speaks pretty well for a guy who just ate 2 pounds of crackers." -Bobby Heenan on Lou Ferrigno

September 1, 2000 - Baba - "Thanks, Blossom." Peaches - "No, it's 'Peaches'."

Get it? PEACHES is her name! And Baba called her BLOSSOM!

August 31, 2000 - "Life is good for only two things, discovering mathematics and teaching mathematics." -Siméon Poisson

August 30, 2000 - "When I look at this pipe, I think 'Knowledge'." -Matt Zelesnikar

August 29, 2000 - "Oh, look who just walked in...it's the undead." - Jason Weston

August 28, 2000 - "She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket." -Raymond Chandler

August 27, 2000 - "He might have taken it up the pooper from Mariah Carey - but it's still cool." -HHHH, on Derek Jeter

August 26, 2000 - "Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." -Stephen Wright

August 25, 2000 - "Jack Knife cries cause Baby's in a bundle. She goes runnin' nightly, lightly through the jungle. And them tin cans are explodin' out of the ninety degree heat. Cat somehow lost his baby down on Bleeker Street. It's sad but it sure is true." -Bruce Springsteen

August 24, 2000 - "Uh buh buh." -Judy Sas

August 23, 2000 - "I'll bake you a cake, made of velvet eyes. You're my Man-O-War." -Thom Yorke

August 22, 2000 - "Wait, let me check my watch...yeah, just as I thought - it's Beer Thirty." -Overheard at BC Open

August 21, 2000 - "The 'D' stands for 'Drag' and the 'R' stands for 'race'." -Donald Sadoway

August 20, 2000 - "Too much vodka, too late, too much Gene Rayburn." -Peter Halunen

August 19, 2000 - "Now the squares of moving storms, some laughing some just shapeless forms, sidewalk scenes and black limosouines, some living some standing alone." -The Byrds

August 18, 2000 - "A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run." -Elbert Hubbard

August 17, 2000 - "When the fire goes out you better learn to fake, it's better to rise then fade away." -Courtney Love

August 16, 2000 - "If politics is the blind leading the blind, entertainment is the fucked-up leading the hypnotized." -Stanley Donwood

August 15, 2000 - "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." -From www.despair.com

August 14, 2000 - "Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat." -Jim Davis

August 13, 2000 - "I am going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -Jerome Bettis

August 12, 2000 - There's only two colors - beer and not beer, and tonight I'm seeing a lot of beer." -Joe Doebler

August 11, 2000 - "I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves." -Ludwig Wittgenstein

August 10, 2000 - "Sponges grow in the ocean, that kills me. I wonder how much deeper they'd be if that didn't happen." -Stephen Wright

August 9, 2000 - "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." -Dan Quayle

August 8, 2000 - "Now I got the world swinging from my nuts, damn it feels good to be a gangster." -Geto Boys

August 7, 2000 - "Damn kids dont know anything. You gotta go out and pick one up. So what if she's a lawyer and can have you arrested, still go for it." -Matt McGovern

August 6, 2000 - "If a man builds 1000 bridges and sucks 1 dick, no one calls him a bridge builder - they call him a cocksucker." -Stefan Norton

August 5, 2000 - "I have a hobby - I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it..." -Stephen Wright

August 4, 2000 - "2 or 3 months, about 4 days a week, in my room, on MY bed, there was naked, interesting, entertaining, seducing lesbian sex." -Andy "CanMan" Noia

August 3, 2000 - "Schvwoogie." -Colin Lashier

August 2-4, 2000 - "In a recent interview Ricky Martin said that he wants to get married, and he's looking for a woman who is quote 'ball-sy and strong-headed'. He also said he wants her to be 6' 3" with an adams apple." -Conan O'Brien

August 1, 2000 - "GO JOSH GET THE WEBPAGE UPDATED! What else will I do when I get on to check my mail and I have none and there is no one to talk to? I love the page. UPDATE IT IF YOU HAVE TO KILL THEM!!! I will vouch for tha alibi!" -Mark Wheildon

July 27-July 31, 2000 - "Mr. Slocum, can I borrow a PEN?" [voice cracked] -Matt Aton

July 26, 2000 - "Dude, it looks like she's been running." -Anonymous

July 25, 2000 - "We're playing St. Mary's today? Oh man, I hate those fat little kids in red suits." -Willy Harder

July 23-24, 2000 - "Just because it's your birthday, doesn't mean you can pretend that you don't have a limb." -Sarah Shauger

July 22, 2000 - "If you are able to fall down and laugh at yourself.....then people will know you are drunk." -Conan O'Brien

July 20-21, 2000 - "I understand 'the hot love'." -Natalia Shostak

July 16-19, 2000 - "They're making their way, the only way they know how, and it's just a little bit more than the law will allow." -'Dukes of Hazzard' Theme

July 14-15, 2000 - "My friend Karen got her paycheck from working two days at Wendy's, like 77 dollars, so I said that Wendy's doesn't deduct a lot for taxes because Dave's in the Mafia, and that the money that they DO deduct goes to making Burger hits. Like if the Burger King needs to get 'whacked' or Ronald McDonald needs to 'sleep wit' 'da fishies'...I'm like 'look what they did to Mayor McCheese'." -Jason Weston

July 13, 2000 - "I wish I could achieve a 'just stepped out of the salon' look more often. Or at least once." -Stanley Donwood

July 12, 2000 - "We got heads on sticks. And you got them toothpicks. We got heads on sticks. But you go in circles." -Kid A

July 11, 2000 - "I have no problem being the class retard." -Brad Grey

July 10, 2000 - "There's a push to have all the retired Ukrainian dancers come back...I told the priest that I would become an atheist if he even thought of asking me." -ChrisO

July 9, 2000 - "...I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom..." -Digital Underground

July 8, 2000 - If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" -Stephen

Wright July 7, 2000 - "I could kick an anorexic's ass" -Christina Fecowicz

July 6, 2000 - "My cousin used to use our address to get these Canadian clothes magazines. I'd never seen so many gay-looking ugly clothes in my life" -Bertha Bois

July 5, 2000 - "I have boobs...and they're BIG... and everyone knows it....so what's the big deal?" -Erin Burns

July 4, 2000 - "It's public school; they have to accept you." -Sarah Shauger

July 3, 2000 - "I once saw Keith Harendza dance for two and-a-half hours straight, then he eat an entire watermellon." -Rory Tobias

July 1 - July 2, 2000 - Weston: "Hey Josh." Josh: "Hey what?" Weston: "Did I ever tell you about my penis?" Josh: "No, you didn't." Weston: "It's 'James Brown - The Godfather of Soul, the Hardest Working Penis in Show Business'."

June 30, 2000 - "Soylent Green, it's made out of people! It's people!" -Saturday Night Live

June 25 - June 29, 2000 - "These glasses have more oil on them than OPEC." -Stu Trotsky

June 12 - June 24, 2000 - "I almost swallowed my tongue, I think." -Amy Waltersdorf

June 11, 2000 - "Suck a nut, Genung." -Joe Doebler

June 6, 2000 - June 10, 2000 - "Chicken is yummy." -Amanda Weston

May 29 - June 5, 2000 - "After the millenium, I am going to shoot to kill." -Stanley Donwood

May 22 - May 28, 2000 - "Are you going to wear those shorts? You look like you're smuggling bananas." -Hunter Hearst Helmsley

May 18 - May 21, 2000 - "This elevator is so slow, I could climb up the of the building with a corpse tied to my johnson faster." -Bob Gilman

May 17, 2000 - "Coach Oryhon, I am the fucking shit, sir." -Joe "Bob" Schieve

May 16, 2000 - "It was 3am, and the movie is like 3 hours long, so I said, "what sports is on?" -Tom Huson

May 15, 2000 - "If you are losing a tug-of-war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets to your arm. You can always buy a new rope." -Max Gunther

May 11 - May 14, 2000 - "I'm out like Stevie Wonder at a staring contest." -Anonymous

May 10, 2000 - "Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture." -Stephen Wright

May 9, 2000 - "I normally go with this line: ahem...<drool>."-Jason "Meat" Donlin

May 8, 2000 - "Would you tie my shoes for me? I'm too fat!" -lady on the bus

May 4 - May 7, 2000 - "A mad man's epistles are no gospels." -from Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night"

May 3, 2000 - "There's only one other place I'd rather be - French Lick." -Larry Joe Bird

May 2, 2000 - "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone." -Bill Cosby

May 1, 2000 - "Tom is garnering heel heat every minute now." -Bob Gilman

April 27 - April 30, 2000 - "Mac...uh...uh...Donald's." -Gary Gebet

April 26, 2000 - "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap." -Bumper Sticker

April 25, 2000 - "I love Erin MichAHHH OWWWW-OOOOO!" -Joe Doebler

April 20 - April 24, 2000 - "You make me SNORT." -Amy Waltersdorf

April 19, 2000 - Cashier - "I think you don't know what you're talking about." Josh - "Yeah, but I'm not the one working at Wegmans."

April 18, 2000 - "Most three hundred pounders cannot even get off the ground!" -Mike Rich

April 17, 2000 - "God saves sinners...and redeems them for cash and prizes." -A Random Hall Ad

April 16, 2000 - "Idaho's license plates - they say 'Famous Potatoes.' Then there's New Hampshire - their license plates say 'Live Free... or DIE!!!' I don't know, I think that somewhere between 'Famous Potatoes' and 'Live Free or Die' the truth lies, and I think it's closer to 'Famous Potatoes.'" -George Carlin

April 15, 2000 - "I know what the 'O' on your hat stands for - 'Opposed to Capitalism'." -"Big Gay" Dan

April 14, 2000 - "Not only am I going to beat you, Lois. I am going to eat your nose." -Peter Griffin

April 13, 2000 - "You know you've hit rock bottom when you fight off three drunks just to suck on the Hungarian Boobie Pickle." -Nigel Wick

April 12, 2000 - "I went to the wrong high school - crucify me!!!" -Overheard

April 11, 2000 - "We all get heavier as we get older because there is a lot more information in our heads." -Vlade Divac

April 10, 2000 - "Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in major appliances." -from "Ghostbusters"

April 9, 2000 - Josh - "The sky looks dark. I hope it's not the end of the world." Aritz - "Screw it, at least we had a good day of golf."

April 8, 2000 - "Thirty-two hundred dollars he gave me. Thirty-two hundred dollars for a lifetime. It wasn't even enough to pay for the coffin." -Henry Hill, from "Goodfellas"

April 7, 2000 - "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell." -Aldous Huxley

April 6, 2000 - How I like to live - ta-ra! ta-ra! - my bowels are supple - ra-ta-ta-ta-ra-ri! - my juices run the night away - ra-ti-ta-du-du-ta - go to it, peristalsis! - good gut! - tram-ba-ba-bum! -Yuri Olesha

April 5, 2000 - "Misfortune is the best cememt for making the most opposite of characters stick together." -Maxim Gorky

April 4, 2000 - "Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees." -David Letterman

April 3, 2000 - "I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific." -Stephen Wright

April 2, 2000 - "Pat Patterson is so old that he still has a ticket stub from the original David and Goliath match." -Jerry "The King" Lawler

April 1, 2000 - "I would expect this to be a phase." -Andy "Canman" Noia

March 31, 2000 - "Your eyes are always bigger than your stomach." -Confucius

March 30, 2000 - "Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers..." -Stephen Wright

March 29, 2000 - "I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis." -Humphrey Bogart's last words

March 28, 2000 - "Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either." -Anonymous

March 27, 2000 - "When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities." -Matt Groening

March 25-26, 2000 - "The children play along the canal where the warehouses used to be. They have elaborate games and run across planks over the water. They don't mind when the helicopters come over because they have got used to them. 'Look', I say. 'That's where Homebase used to be.' They are not interested. It's not their fault. Maybe it's mine." -Stanley Donwood

March 24, 2000 - "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." -A. Whitney Brown

March 23, 2000 - "A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.” -Jack Benny

March 22, 2000 - "I'm not a god, I was misquoted.” -Lister

March 21, 2000 - “In a world full of solutions,there can be no problems.” -John Lennon

March 20, 2000 - "Failure - When Your Best Just Isn't Good Enough ." -Poster on www.despair.com

March 19, 2000 - "Vote early and vote often." -Al Capone

March 18, 2000 - "Only sick music makes money today." -Nietzsche

March 17, 2000 - "Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them." -Adlai Stevenson

March 15-16, 2000 - "I woke up this morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called information. She said they were behind the couch. She was right." -Stephen Wright

March 14, 2000 - "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try." -Homer Simpson

March 13, 2000 - "Try this on for change..." -Bob, from Jamaica Queens, NY

March 7-12, 2000 - "The Acolytes Protection Agency - Because we need beer money." -The Acolytes

March 3-6, 2000 - "We can give my roommate's friends a call, but I don't know what color her friends are." - Jenn Hrehor

March 2, 2000 - "I went to a restaurant that served 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance." - Stephen Wright

March 1, 2000 - "Enormous suffering is an intrinsic possibility of every bond; we cannot refuse a relationship because it might bring pain. To reveal one's feelings is to say yes to oneself. Our ingeniousness deludes us into reality, when we have said yes to someone we have said yes to both life and death." -Aldo Carotenuto

February 29, 2000 - "Bill Bradsky once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms." -Bill Bradsky's friend

February 25-28, 2000 - "There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life." - Frank Zappa

February 24, 2000 - "A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do." -Bob Dylan

February 23, 2000 - "Common sense is in spite of, not the result of, education." -Victor Hugo

February 22, 2000 - "Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly." -Simeon Strunsky

February 20-21, 2000 - "For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum." -J.W. Schopf

February 19, 2000 - "Don't be so humble - you are not that great." - Golda Meir

February 18, 2000 - "If a man wishes to leap into the abyss, one should try with all his might to stop him. But if it is clear that he will leap anyway one should push him, for then he might be able to leap across to the other side." -V.V. Shulgin

February 17, 2000 - "Well, I just had an interesting evening. First off, I was lucky enough to see a woman that looked exactly like Joe Kilmer. She even had the glasses! Boy, did I feel sorry for her. Then, on my bus-ride home I was lucky again. I got to be seated next to a couple [expletive deleted] and they didnt shut up the entire time. You know those Vietnam movies where they are yelling their crap and all right before an American guns 'em down. Well, I got to hear at least 5-10 minutes of that. When did I become a minority, I mean seriously, there were roughly 25-30 people on the bus, and maybe 5 of them were white. I don't know, dude." -Tom Huson

February 16, 2000 - "I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think 'Hey, maybe I wrote that'." -Steven Wright

February 15, 2000 - "We didn't have anything like steroids. If I wanted to get pumped up, I drank a case of beer." -Art Donovan

February 14, 2000 - "The French complain of everything, and always." -Napoleon Bonaparte

February 13, 2000 - "I never give them hell; I just tell them the truth and they think it is hell." -Harry S. Truman

February 12, 2000 - "Approximately 80% of our pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation. So let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emissions standards for man-made sources." -Ronald Reagan

February 11, 2000 - "I personally think figure skating sucks." -Vince McMahon

February 10, 2000 - "Never get into a fight with an ugly man, he has northing to lose." -Muffy the Cat

February 9, 2000 - "The fact of the matter is, I'm fucking brilliant. Not 'was' brilliant. 'Am' brilliant." -Pete Townsend

February 8, 2000 - "Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage." -Coolio

February 7, 2000 - "Ray Lewis - A Cut Above the Rest." -Anonymous

February 6, 2000 - "Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse." -John Belushi

February 4, 2000 - "Don't take the phone off the hook, you'll kill its life." -Snake

February 3, 2000 - "Only enemies of the Soviet Union can think of the KGB as some sort of secret police." -Yuri Andropov

February 2, 2000 - "Do you have his number on speed-dial, Bill?" -Brad Shelton

February 1, 2000 - "Yeah nice hair, Gomez." -Hunter Hearst

Helmsley January 31, 2000 - "The world has turned and left me here. Just where I was before you appeared. And in your place an empty space has filled the void behind my face." -Weezer

January 30, 2000 - "I like the Coors Light. It's delicious and nutritious." -Jason Donlin

January 29, 2000 - "What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Both of their last hits were the wall." -Jared

January 28, 2000 - "No, no, no, no Notorious." -Notorious BIG

January 27, 2000 - "She had taken R from me. She had taken O from me. And yet...and yet..." -Yevgeny Zamyati

January 26, 2000 - "God is a very busy God....he may not come when you want him to, but he's always there right in time." - Curtis Mayfield

January 25, 2000 - "Emotions high...emotions low...emotions everywhere in the middle...Miss Elizabeth...oooyeah!" -Macho Man Randy Savage

January 24, 2000 - "Shut up, Beefcake!" -Anonymous fan at Albany State hockey game

January 23, 2000 - "Believe me, I've been through the machine, and I'm lucky to be here at forty-seven with my sanity still intact. More or less." -Joe Strummer

January 22, 2000 - "Do food stamps taste good?" -Shannon Lapum

January 21, 2000 - "I used to wear the old ball 'n' chain in high school. I ran with the 'cool kids'." -Emily Wood

January 20, 2000 - "As it is written in Bob 6:32: 'And the the sudden stream of IMs shall pass, and Bob will be happy'." -Bob Gilman

January 19, 2000 - "Is college getting better or worse?" -Mick Foley

January 18, 2000 - "You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you." -Herman Blume

January 17, 2000 - "Uh, Bob's up to his ass in lobsters right now." -Ernie Gilman

December 3-January 16 - "Does Video King sell ice cream?" -"Heavy" Kevvy Doebler

December 20-29, 1999 - "Hey, those two guys are hitting on your mom." -Rob Locker "Dude, they're gay." -Jason Weston

December 19, 1999 - "What? Is that a cookie?" -Willy Harder

December 18, 1999 - "Doebler...WASH YOUR FEET." -Tom Huson, Bob Gilman and Josh Oryhon

December 17, 1999 - "All Snoopy wants is his dinner early, Woodstock happy and that bastard Red Baron to go down in flames." -Jason Donlin

December 16, 1999 - "I don't believe aliens would come all this way just to have stuff shoved up their behinds." -The Ambassador

December 15, 1999 - "Just trust that I am OK. And if I'm not, I will be soon enough. And I will do the same for you." -Charlie, from Perks of Being a Wallflower

December 14, 1999 - "That's about as cool as Stevie Wonder being able to see." -Overheard

December 12-13, 1999 (In honor of UMass visit) - "I have no opinion right now." -Kevin

December 11, 1999 - "Backwards talking am I now." -Crash Bandicoot

December 10, 1999 - "If you use Xenical, you may experience gas with oily discharge." -Xenical commercial

December 9, 1999 - From VH1's "The List": Joey McIntyre: "Hurry up, the show's only thirty minutes long." Ellen Cleghorne - "So is your career."

December 8, 1999 - "I realize that I'm at one of these stages where I'm mad at the world, and I'm daring the world to push me off a cliff...just to see if I can fly." -Anonymous

December 7, 1999 - "Monswelf, is this thing on?" -HHH Theme Song

December 5 and 6, 1999 - Holiday Greetings

December 4, 1999 - "She comes in color everywhere. She combs her hair. She's like a rainbow." -Mick Jagger

December 3, 1999 - "Love is a property you couldn't sell. Misery waits in vague hotels. To be evicted." -Beck Hansen

December 2, 1999 - Attendee of Jason Weston's party: "No, Officer Burnett, I wasn't drinking." Officer Burnett: "Great! You get to hold the Dare Bear during arrests." -Brian Bailey, Jason Donlin, Jason Weston

December 1, 1999 - "In the deep, deep sleep of the innocent I am born again." -Thom Yorke

November 30, 1999 - "Look at all the fat cherubs with their weiners hanging out." -Hunter Hearst Helmsley (HHH)

November 29, 1999 - "One Frenchie, Frenchie One!" -entire staff of Hot Grill

November 27-28 - "We were about to have a 5-on-3 with her roommate, until Jeremy Slater walked in and started dragging people out!" -Jim Colgan

November 25-26, 1999 - "You've got no pants, no pants in hell." -Bob Gilman

November 24, 1999 - "I am going to go listen to some Veggie Core music." -Chuck Thorton

November 23, 1999 - "You can't make a cake with eggs and s---." -Scott Card November 21-22, 1999 - "I'm telling you - God's word ain't no hustle." -Malcolm X

November 19, 1999 - "Oh, what a lucky man he was." -Greg Lake

November 18, 1999 - "If you stay too long in Hollywood, you become a Mercedes." -Robert Redford

November 17, 1999 - "I'd rattle wake up in the middle of nowhere, then in any city on earth." -Steve McQueen

November 16, 1999 - "I think these sour things are not only giving me lock-jaw, but making me deaf." -Overheard

November 15, 1999 - "Goose doesn't die! You must have the Communist version of 'Top Gun'." -Jeff Ross

November 14, 1999 - "I fought the Lusk, but the Lusk won." -Bob Gilman

November 13, 1999 - "The mere thought of Michael Jordan, Tim Duncan, Grant Hill, toni Kukoc and Elton Brand [on the same team] make me want to kiss Jerry Krause on the lips." -Skip Bayless

November 12, 1999 - "You're a sad little man." -Gregory Wollyung

November 11, 1999 - "I love being drunk, because all the girls think I am hot." -Chris Barth

November 10, 1999 - "Mtv makes me wanna smoke crack." -Beck Hansen

November 9, 1999 - "Sundials are Y2K compliant. Until the sun goes down." -Joe Doebler

November 7 and 8, 1999 - "I thought Walter Payton was the greatest football player who ever lived. He did it he did it better anyone. And he had more fun - and that combination is a treasure." -John Madden

November 6, 1999 - "Walter was a compassionate, loving, caring, sharing individual. When you think about that, you've got to celebrate a person's life. Yeah, it isn't fair. Forty-five years on Earth, you should be in the prime of your life. But I think it warns us that tomorrow is not promised." -Mike Ditka

November 2,3,4,5, 1999 (in honor of #34) - "Well, they call me Sweetness and I like to dance. Runnin' the ball is like makin' romance. We've had the goal since training camp to give Chicago a Super Bowl champ. And we're not doing because we're greedy, the Bears are doing it to feed the needy. We didn't come here looking for trouble. We just came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle. -Walter Payton

November 1, 1999 - "He's passe. Nobody cares about Mickey anymore. There are whole batches of Mickeys we just can't give away. I think we should phase him out." -Roy Disney, 1937

October 31, 1999 - "We are all happy plants." -Anonymous

October 30, 1999 - "What are you guys doing? Casing all the Christians?" -Jimbo

October 29, 1999 - "I may have been violated, but we won't know until the tests come back." -Joe Doebler

October 28, 1999 - "I'd give my life over to the Almighty God and rock 'n' roll." -Roseanne

October 27, 1999 - "Why don't you give Payton a rest? You guys are five-and-oh, for Cry Pete!" -Todd O'Connell

October 26, 1999 - "Nervous people like crunchy food." -GM Goodwrench commercial

October 25, 1999 - "There should be a rule that you must have all your chromosomes to win Homecoming King or Queen." -Paul Olsen

October 24, 1999 - "Yeah, Uncle Fester is 'da bomb." -Overheard

October 23, 1999 - "You kissed a girl? That is so GAY!" -Bart Simpson

October 22, 1999 - "One of the Bushwhackers just rode by on a Huffy! Add that to your damn list!" -Mark Ide

October 21, 1999 - "If you pay the child support - you can have her." -Name Witheld

October 20, 1999 - "I bet Ryan Klesko beats his wife." -Overheard

October 19, 1999 - "I will, in two shakes of a lamb's tail." -Chris Brown

October 18, 1999 - "You call it 'a good time', I call it 'evidence'." -Jason Weston

October 17, 1999 - "I am known coast-to-coast, like butter and toast." -Freddie Brisco

October 16, 1999 - "She got her tongue pierced? I thought she was just retarded." -Anonymous

October 15, 1999 - "I have often thought that if there had been a good rap group around in those days, I might have chosen a career in music instead of politics." -Richard Nixon

October 14, 1999 - "X-Rays are a hoax." -Lord Kelvin

October 13, 1999 - "I am wearing short-pants." -Jason Donlin

October 12, 1999 - "Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union." -Joseph Stalin

October 11, 1999 - "If my shoes get ruined when her water breaks, I am going to be pissed." -Brian Bailey

October 10, 1999 - "I just can't understand all these teams changing managers the way they do. The lack of stability is alarming." -George Steinbrenner

October 9, 1999 - "We need not hesitate to admit that the sun is richly stored with inhabitants." -Sir William Herschel

October 8, 1999 - "If at first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you." -Anonymous, repeated by John Charest

October 7, 1999 - "Yogurt? Yogurt! I hate yogurt!" -Lord Dark Helmet

October 6, 1999 - "I think Black Elvis is the highest level in my achievement right now. The legendary status, me creating the wigs and the alter-egos. I just want to run with Elvis. -Kool Keith

October 5, 1999 - "Every time a child says, 'I don't believe in fairies', there is a fairy somewhere that drops down dead." J.M. Barrie

October 4, 1999 - "Giblets are plentiful in the land of Gonzaga." -Jason Weston

October 3, 1999 - "I see the light, NOW CATCH IT." -Mr. Bazil

October 2, 1999 - "You'd be surprised at how many Post-Nasal Drip fatalities there are in the United States." -Jason Weston

October 1, 1999 - "I am from the planet Lovetron." -Darryl "Chocolate Thunder" Dawkins

September 30, 1999 - "We have the happiest Africans in the world." -Ian Smith

September 29, 1999 - "I believe we are going to along very well with him [Joseph Stalin] and the Russian people - very well indeed." -Franklin Delano Roosevelt

September 28, 1999 - "You can say you've got the whole world in your closet." -Limarie Nieves-Rosa

September 27, 1999 - "Jane, you ignorant slut." -Dan Akroyd

September 26, 1999 - "I may be a full grown man, but I ain't afraid to cry." -Beck Hansen

September 25, 1999 - "Isn't that so Twentieth century - when a TV commercial gets a round of applause." -David Bowie

September 24, 1999 - "Would the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands, and the rest if you, if you'd rattle your jewelery." -John Lennon

September 23, 1999 - "Every cheap hood strikes a bargain with the world, and ends up making payments on a sofa or a girl." -Joe Strummer

September 22, 1999 - "Home, crap, home!" -Tom Hanks

September 21, 1999 - "Thank you, my scandalous mentor." -Jessica Burgan

September 20, 1999 - "Nothing could be more anti-Biblical than letting women vote." -Harper's Magazine editorial

September 19, 1999 - "When the president does it, that means it is not illegal." -Richard M. Nixon

September 18, 1999 - "The Mafia, one of the most picturesquely villainous secret socities the world has ever known, exists no more. After holding absolute sway over Sicily for centuries, murdering, blackmailing, terrorizing...it has met its fate at the hands of the Facist Government." -Arnaldo Cortesi

September 17, 1999 - "Slavery has not created interests in the South contrary to those of the North." -Alexis de Tocqueville (1835)

September 16, 1999-Q: "Who will win the World Cup?" A: "The promoters." -Thom Yorke

September 15, 1999 - "We're in hot pursuit!" -Roscoe P. Coltrane

September 14, 1999 - "Let's be out like Willy at a Spelling Bee." -Chris Onysko

September 13, 1999 - "We don't think they'll [The Beatles] will do anything in this market. -Alan Livingston

September 12, 1999 - "That's when the slow mouse comes into play." -Laryssa Sadoway

September 11, 1999 - "Talking pictures will [by 1941] take the place of theater as we know it today." -George Bernard Shaw

September 10, 1999 - "I think that the Soviets are likely to be wise enough to avoid getting bogged down in that kind of situation [intervening in militarily in Afghanistan]. -Harold Brown

-No Quotes of the Day for September 3-9, 1999- Sorry.

September 2, 1999 - "Immerse your soul in love." -Thom Yorke

September 1, 1999 - "A genuine kiss generates so much heat it destroys germs." -Dr. S. L. Katzoff

August 31, 1999 - "In a generation, those who are now children will have lost their taste for alcohol." -John Frederick Charles Fuller (1925)

August 30, 1999 - "By no stretch of the imagination would Jesus have been a Socialist." -Reverend Norman Vincent Peale

August 29, 1999 - "If Jesus was alive today he would impeach Carter." -Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini

August 28, 1999 - "The first thirty-three popes were Jews. Among the last ten popes we've had, three were predominately Jewish." -Father Charles Coughlin

August 27, 1999 - "Oh, I'm definitely not anti-Semetic." -Louis Farrakhan

August 26, 1999 - "I don't need bodyguards." -James (Jimmy) Hoffa

August 25, 1999 - "The trick is to pick on people that ca't do you no harm. Like, the drummer from Def Leppard only got one arm." -Jimmy Pop Ali

August 24, 1999 - "My uncle is a peaceful man. He thinks war is not worth the candle." -Willie Hitler (Adolf Hitler's nephew)

August 23, 1999 - "You definitely don't want to want to be called a 'Peter Prep'." -Richard Gulbin

August 22, 1999 - "I saved Latin. What did you ever do?" -from "Rushmore"

August 21, 1999 - "Ooh ooh ooh! So dangerous, so dangerous." -Anonymous

August 20, 1999 - "Uh oh! Looks like we have a Bad-Ass on the loose." -Dave Ritter

August 19, 1999 - "I don't mind you guys playing hockey, just don't screw with the truck." -The Lays Chips Guy

August 18, 1999 - "The South has too much common sense and good temper to break up the Union." -Abraham Lincoln

August 17, 1999 - "And the Gambler's face breaks into a grin as he lays down the King of Spades." -Joe Strummer

August 16, 1999 - "Your aunt's third cousin's grandmother's MOM." -Nate Dickson

August 15, 1999 - "The President is not going to leave the White House until Januray 20, 1977." -Richard Nixon

August 14, 1999 - "Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs, I've got more rhymes than the Bible's got Psalms." -Everlast

August 13, 1999 - "Just what it is, is all that it was. Now that it's gone, I'm having fun. Forgetting Formula 1." -Adam Janos

August 12, 1999 - "And the sound we make together is the story to the music in your eyes." -The Moody Blues

August 11, 1999 - "In an interstellar burst I am back to save the universe." -Thom Yorke

August 10, 1999 - "That move was like a tater-tot in the wind." -Joe Privitere

August 9, 1999 - "Oh, so you want the 'Boom-Boom'?" -George Trinkler

August 8, 1999 - "...then I heard her speak. And I hated her." -Gregg Charest

August 7, 1999 - "We're playing St. Mary's? Aw man, I hate those fat kids in red suits." -Willy Harder

August 6, 1999 - "Been around the world and found out that only stupid people are breeding." -Harvey Danger

August 5, 1999 - "That's why I am sick of this area - too much corruption. All of the powers that be in the Southern Tier are in the bag." -Doug, the crossing guard

August 4, 1999 - "I am a KOZZAK!" -Mike Weaver

August 3, 1999 - "Make 'em say Coatesville." -Andrew Sadoway

August 2, 1999 - "Make 'em say UGH." -Master P

August 1, 1999 - "I'm no linguist, but I have been told that in the Russian language, there isn't even a word for freedom." -Ronald Reagan

July 31, 1999 - "You're not a beauty, but hey, you're all right." -Bruce Springsteen

July 30, 1999 - "I may suck at goalie, but I'm not a retard." -Mike Cooke

July 29, 1999 - "Victory is MINE." -Rick Vavra

July 28, 1999 - "I'll have 'The Usual'." -Our Rick

July 27, 1999 - "I've got AIDS - try the marshmellow." -Proposed sign for Scoops Ice Cream Shoppe by Tom Huson, Jr.

-No Quotes of the Day for July 22 through July 26-

July 21, 1999 - "The one thing I won't let happen is, I won't let a ball go between my legs." -Bill Buckner

July 20, 1999 - "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home." -Ken Olsen, 1977

July 19, 1999 - "Babe Ruth made a great mistake when he gave up pitching. Working once a week, he might have lasted a long time and become a great star." -Tris Speaker

July 18, 1999 - "Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life." -Orrin Hatch

July 17, 1999 - "640K ought to be enough anybody." -Bill Gates

July 16, 1999 - "The only way Star Wars could have been exciting was through its visual imagination and special effects. Both are unexceptional." -Stanley Kauffman

June 15, 1999 - "Bees are generated from decomposed veal." -St. Isidore of Seville

July 14, 1999 - "Pimpin' ain't easy." -The Godfather

July 13, 1999 - "We're on a mission from God: We're getting the band back together." -"Joliet" Jake Blues

July 12, 1999 - "Chivalry is not dead." -Clint T. Greenleaf

July 11, 1999 - "When they knock ay your front door, how you gonna come? With your hands on your head, or the trigger of your gun?" -Mick Jones

July 10, 1999 - "Only the intelligent realize how little they know." -Sabrina Vollers

July 9, 1999 - "But you say he's just a friend. Oh baby, you - you got what I need." -Bizmarke

July 8, 1999 - "Know your role." -The Rock

July 7, 1999 - "Jesus is coming, so look busy." -Anonymous

July 6, 1999 - "This is real. This is my neighborhood." -Corey Feldman

July 5, 1999 - "Humanity has acheived its current level of success with the very behavior and characteristics it is now trying to eradicate." -Anonymous

July 4, 1999 - "Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth." -Henry Louis Gehrig

July 3, 1999 - "Hot enough for you?" -Bob Onysko

July 2, 1999 - "That's about a ten on the ol' Tension Scale there, Reub." -Bruce Dern

July 1, 1999 - "This sledge hammer represents Normalcy, and this plate of creamed corn represents the United States." -Joe Doebler

June 30, 1999 - "I say 'Vote Yes'". -John Adams

June 29, 1999 - "No sacrifice is worth the name unless it is a joy. Sacrifice and a long face go ill together. -Mohandas Gandhi

June 28, 1999 - "I am not a crook." -Richard Nixon

June 27, 1999 - "spodeevayoosya, shcho mi nezabarom shche raz pobachimosya." -Mr. Goby

June 26, 1999 - "I have no pleasure in any man who despises music. It is no invention of ours, it is the gift of God. I place it next to theology." -Martin Luther

June 25, 1999 - "The Master said: 'You, shall I teach you what knowledge is? When you know a thing, to recognize it that you know it, and when you do not know a thing, to recognize that you do not know it. That is knowledge." -Confusius

June 24, 1999 - "I want to know how God created the world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon. I want to know His thoughts. The rest are just details." -Albert Einstein

June 23, 1999 - "Doggone it!! I can't wait until tomorrow. -Why?- Because I get better looking every day!" -Myron Oryhon

June 22, 1999 - "I can see paradise by the dashboard light." -Meatloaf

June 21, 1999 - "Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you've got it made." -George Burns

June 20, 1999 - "All the way from Pittsburgh, PA - it's my main man - RON DeVANDRY!" -Paul Danek

June 19, 1999 - Behind the incredible fortunes of Silicon Valley, there's a small group of high rollers whom you've never heard of. They are very rich even though, more often that not, they bet wrong." -Alan Deutschman

June 18, 1999 - "If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts." -Steven Wright

June 17, 1999 - "A drunk is staggering down the street with one foot in the gutter and one foot on the curb. A cop stops him and says, 'You're drunk!' The drunk replies, 'Thank God! I thought I was crippled."

June 16, 1999 - "The cheapest thing my mother ever bought was the peanut butter with the jelly inside. Peanut butter and jelly in the same jar - how low can you go? That's like buying a shoe with a sock inside." -Chris Rock

June 15, 1999 - "Mr. Goby was celebrated all over London, indeed possibly all over England and even further, as a great purveyor of information." -Agatha Christie Elephants Can Remember

June 14, 1999 - "What's that old show with Tony Danza and Alissa Milano? 'Who's the Boss?' MY D!" -Chris Hurley

June 13, 1999 - Colin: "Do you want to go to the baseball game with us? You can if you want to." Josh: "No, that's OK - I'll work at Scoops all day."

June 12, 1999 - "Have you ever seen someone eat a can?" -Andrew Noia

June 11, 1999 - "A beautiful girl can turn your head to dust." -Thom Yorke

June 10, 1999 - "I am not a role model." -Charles Barkley

June 9, 1999 - "...Pass to Wooley in the slot...He scores!" -Mike Emerick

June 8, 1999 - "I'm going out on a limb here; I pick Buffalo in seven." -Barry Melrose

June 7, 1999 - "Yeah, I took French for four years: French Intro, French Intro, French One, French One. -Willy Harder

June 6, 1999 - "Himmelfartzkommando." -Pete Tylenda

June 5, 1999 - "What you want I should do, levitate?" -Bob Gilman

June 4, 1999 - "If I'm on the freeway, and I look in your car, I shouldn't be able to tell what year you graduated from high school. That tells me that's your biggest achievement. De-tassle your car and reapply to that community college. I believe in you. -Craig Kilborn

June 3, 1999 - "Death is not a death of terror and dread, but is an entrance into the true and everlasting life through the death and Resurrection of Christ." -Fr. George Mastrantonis

June 2, 1999 - "If you are blessed with a high metabolism, eat many sausage egg biscuits, because those burdened with a low metabolism cannot." -Rosey Moleski

June 1, 1999 - "So, the Jimi Hendrix Experience, Janis Joplin and the Grateful Dead can all be considered 'one hit wonders'..." -VH1 Television Network

May 31, 1999 - "All hockey players are good looking." -Keith Hannon, repeated by Jason Weston

--No "Quotes of the Day" for May 22-30, 1999--

May 21, 1999 - "H versus J!! H versus J!! -Harry L. Johnson Elementary School lunch time kickball players

May 20, 1999 - "Is water still free?" -Barry Clegg

May 19, 1999 - "NO COOKIES!!" -Greg Misko

May 18, 1999 - "Do you how I can make AIDS sound good? It tastes like cinnamon." -Dan Shea

May 17, 1999 - "Um...err...lemme give you a little hint..." -Barry Ilses

May 16, 1999 - "If it weren't for that horse, I would have never spent that year in college." -Overheard by Lewis Black

May 15, 1999 - "All evils needs to triumph is for 'good people' to do nothing. -Anonymous May 14, 1999 - "Transportation happens." -Esai Moreles

May 13, 1999 - "A Nixon-Agnew administration will abolish the credibilty gap and reestablish the truth, the whole truth, as its policy. -Spiro Agnew

May 12, 1999 - "Stop throwing like a girl. You're embarrassing the other Anarchists." -Lewis Black

May 11, 1999 - "I came here to do two things: chew bubble gum and kick ass. I am all out of bubble gum." -"Rowdy" Roddy Piper

May 10, 1999 - "We're looking for outgoing, energetic students to represent the casual Abercrombie lifestyle. Part-time Brand Representative and Management position are available." -Abercrombie and Fitch flier in Berkshire Dining Common

May 9, 1999 - "Let me see...I think I am going to try a large double-dip, White House Cherry Sundae, with marshmallow and pineapple and no nuts.....................................................Thanks. -Rick, the "Thanks" Guy

May 8, 1999 - "Louis Farrakhan. Misrepresented in the media and feared by whites, he is the only true black leader. -Lenny Holston

May 7, 1999 - "Kiss my Butler." -Colin Lashier

May 6, 1999 - "Stalin was a good looking man." -Joseph Lake

May 5, 1999 - "The Antichrist is alive, and he is a Jewish male." -Jerry Falwell

May 4, 1999 - "Class is how you treat people who can do nothing for you." -Geof Greenleaf

May 3, 1999 - "Sacred cows make the best hamburger." -Abbie Hoffman, on his deathbed

May 2, 1999 - "It's sooo good! It's yummy in your tummy!" -Chinese food vendor at Union Station

May 1, 1999 - "Schotirobish 'Monkey business'?!" -Anonymous

April 30, 1999 - "Consistency is consolation to the mediocre." -John Cleese.