It was a Friday that began and ended unlike any other in its time. With a few clicks of a plastic computerized device, my household was plunged into the depths of long-dormant eras. If I was to wake up in the middle of darkness I would have to stumble over fallen shoes and misplaced belts ...using only memory and touch to find the toilet.

I once saw a fat man named Jimbo proceed through a darkened room using his cell phone as a modern-day torch. It was a marvelous trick really, one that belied the inverse relationship between Jimbo's IQ and weight. Unfortunately for me, my cell phone has been turned off for three days because I can't charge it without power. ugh.

The daylight provided adequate impetus to return to my 17th century home. I was half-expecting powdered men and women to be fashionably dancing by candlelight when I climbed the stairs to my antibellum palace. Instead, I was greeted by the rank defilement of the air by milk that had "gone off". Where it exactly went off to is anyone's guess, but I hope it's better than here.

As the afternoon wears on, I sit and eat dry cereal. As I mentioned previously, the milk and electricity had gone off together, never to be seen (smelled or felt) again. I wish I could do the same ...but I have to wait for the electrician to come. Thank you very much, Ben Franklin. I will now open my Yankee Candle catalog.