"A Big Penis Just Equals a Big Problem"
By Anatomy Expert Keith Hannon

It's something that is always talked about among men of my age group. Usually you can't hang out for one night without someone making reference to it. At this point in time, talking about it is no longer taboo when I'm out and about. I'm talking about the male reproductive organ known as the penis, or johnson, shlong, man meat, suassage, hard salami, and cock. The obesession around this organ, by both men and women resolves around the size of which it exsists at. We're all told how the bigger it is the better. So in turn, every man wants a large member. If you don't have a large amount of manhood, then you feel bad about yourself possibly, or you some how feel unadequate. The interesting thing is, women, who the size effects most, don't care about the size nearly as much as men. So gentlemen who feel inferior, listen up, I'm going to tell you why big is bad.

SHORTS. We all love to wear them, especially when it's hot out. Well if you're a gifted individual you may not always be able to wear shorts. You can't go around town with your "buddy" hangin out down there. It's just not looked upon well in society. This example may be a stretch...no pun intended.

Let's get more graphic shall we? One of a man's favorite things is getting the 'ole knob polished by a friendly lady aquaintance. And during that wonderous experience guys love the girl to consume us as much as possible. Well if you're a well hung man, this makes it tough on the average female partner. You miss out on that little piece of heaven because you're too much to handle...tough loss buddy.

Moving on to the actual act of sex. It's a medical statistic that femals of different races have different amounts of space down in their "special area". With that being said....the official stats show Asian women having the smallest amount of "room to work with" or "smallest garage for your car". So if you're a big studly man, you can forget about good sex in the Orient, they're gonna take on look at that tree trunk and run for their lives. Take that, Ron.

Let's suppose you just had a nice refreshing work out at Johnson City's own Court Jester. Well it's not uncommon to shower in the locker room afterwards. Now one thing you should know about Court Jester is that it's heavily populated with the "gay community". So if you're taking your shower, enjoying the relieving feeling that comes with that, and there happens to be a flaming individual next to you....and you're "husky in the pants" don't be surprised to gt a little smile from him. Then you have to live with the reality of being checked out naked by a gay man. Where as if you're nothing special to look at, he'll be focused on himself and you'll never have to live with the personal anguish of arousing another man.

Many a times you've had to get dressed in a hurry, you're late for work, have to get to school, or your parents just got home and you're upstairs naked having a "moment with yourself". No matter the reason you'll probably be dealing with clothing that has a zipper. If your thing dangles low to the ground, you could very easily catch that in the teeth, and you're making a very embarrassing hospital visit. Or you could be average or below and zip up quick, get that lotion on your hands, and greet mom and dad with a sticky hug and handshake. Ahhh sweet, sweet memories....

Well I could probably list more, but for now you get the point. Next time you look in the mirror and see something that you find depressing, just remember these words of wisdom, and put a smile you your face. Because you'll never have to deal with any of these problems. You're in the clear my friend smaller is the way to go through life....so you'll have to sympathize with me when I say I can't relate....yeah it's a terrible thing...just want you to all know, I have no idea what these benefits are like...no honestly! hey, stop laughing, I'm being serious here! I'm a monster...I just wrote this to make "other people" feel better! No, don't leave, I mean it this doesn't relfect me! I'm...awww shit...

Respectfully Submitted,
Keith "Only Hung When His Picture Is On The Christmas Tree" Hannon