The Press is all there... The red carpet is rolled out. It was a wild fury of flashbulbs and reporters trying to get a word out of the guests of honor. I was the first one to arrive. I could not believe the turn out, I knew this was big, but not this big.

"Chris, what do you plan to do next," shouted one reporter.
"I want an exclusive for the 6 o'clock news," cried another.
"I LOVE YOU!!!!" screamed one crazy teenager.

Blushing, I pushed and shoved my way through with the help of Jose my bodyguard and made my way to the head table. It was the first time I had ever sat in a Walmart foodmart, but it was the place of the CleverCitizen convention, and I was damn proud to be a part of it. Next came Weston rollin up in his 64' blasting "We're not gonna take it" by Twisted Sister. I guess he was pumped to be here.

[reporters shouting]
"Where have you been Mr. Weston?!"
"I notice you've been wearing a knee brace during you LAX games, is everything okay?"
"How do you feel about the new sections added since you've been gone?"
"Will you ever be back?!"

Reporters were on him like flies on shit. He barrelled his way through and took a seat next to me. We had small talk, caught up on old times, and looked over the Wal-Mart menu. What varitey! The rush of reporters to the red carpet stopped us from our food searching to see who had just arrived. All I could see from where I was sitting was the black cloth of a jeep top. Donlin must be here. He handled the press much differently than Weston and I. He enjoyed the spotlight.

Reporter: "What do you think of your web competition?"
Donlin: "Uhh... No game, no balls."

Sexy Reporter: "What will your next article be on?!"
Donlin (wispers in her ear): "Wanna get outta here, I'll show you my mouse, if you know what I mean..."

That comment was followed up by a smack that almost sent Donlin to the floor (come on - did you actually think he was gonna fuck her? This isn't a CanMan story). He took his place at the head table and nodded our way. We could tell he was drunk after he stumbled his way to the table and immediatly ate a Wal-Mart hotdog, no bun. Weston and I watched him scarf that baby down and he looked at us and said shrugging his shoulders and with a mouthful "ffwhhaaafff". Translation: "What?"

Just then we saw a long-ass purple convertable with gold rims easing it's way to red carpet. Out comes two fine ass girls and grab, who else, but CanMan, one on each side. CanMan was dressed in a long mink robe, Pimp style.

[the reporters shouting]
"CanMan, who will you have a sexual encounter with next?"
"Mr. Noia, are your stories really true?!"
"How did you become such a skilled guestbook enterist?"

Just as CanMan was about to sit down, a lady from PETA (that fucking save our aninmals foundation or whatever) ran over and splashed blood on his mink and tried to run away. Well, did you read my Oct 5 story? If not, do so. It was a very similar scene, but to make the story short, we fucked that bitch up. Actually the 2 that did the most damage were CanMan's lady friends. Bi-chicks can fight, yo. Just as this is happening a taxi cab rolls up.

"Who the fuck would get a ride in THAT?" exclaimed Donlin.

But when we saw who it was, it all made sense.

Out of the cab comes.... to be continued in next story

(had to leave you hangin) -ChrisO