The West Endicott Strip

JoshO's Note: I was talking on the AOL Instant Messager with my young boy ChrisO the other day about sections that needed to get a lil' electronic hot lovin' in the coming weeks. We discussed that the BingO Nightlife section that hadn't gotten any burn in quite a few months. Thinking of places that haven't been covered, I instantly thought of Endicott's SportsPage. Sitting down to type a review of that venerable beacon of The Good Times, the idea struck me to cover the rest of the bars on Page Avenue...AKA the West Endicott Strip. Beware, this is going to be massive...

Background: Page Avenue juts off of Main Street, Endicott right near a Sunoco Station and Babcock Bicycles and before you hit Grippen Park Ice Rink (where Brad Cook once scored seven goals in one playoff game). As you inhale the doughy goodness of the bread factory over on your left, the underside of your car is damaged beyond repair as you cross the railroad tracks. An abandoned factory is now on your left, with literally 86% of its windows broken. There's a rumor that a developer is going to replace that hideous brokedown palace with some sleek, new townhouses. My question is this: who would want to live in such a filthy area?

Well, my mom and dad for one. Only one "Kansas City" Keith Hannon drive off the tee away, is the legendary 623 Jennings Street, home of FMO and Linda "Angela" Oryhon. Their house possesses great location in reference to the West Endicott Strip, and many a night of revelry has started within its walls.

The West Endicott Strip does not merely refer to the bars that are situated on Page Avenue, but this Strip extends down to North Street in one direction, and another side street off of Main Street in another. The West Endicott Strip encompasses:
-The New Yorker
-The Old Friar Inn
-Harry Tuft's Public House
-The SportsPage
-Kelly's
-Stu's Place
-Big Daddy O's
-Woody's Pub
-and, on a good day the bowling alley across from Agway's Home Center (I once applied for a job there)
All of these fine dens of sin are within walking distance of each other, and let it be said that during the Cal "Coolwhip" Heinle's 21st Birthday 5K Bar Crawl many of them were visited in one messy evening.

Anyway, let's get down to brass tacks (one of the more useless idioms in the English language). Establishments will be labeled with either a "Tandem" or a "Solo" ranking. Tandem: Use it along with another bar on the Strip to maximize potential Solo: Show up, sit down, have a good time, call a cab.

Analysis:
1. The New Yorker
Make a right off of Main Street onto 26 North, and it's BANG, on your right - the New Yorker boasts cheap prices, Miller High Life on tap and a cozy atmosphere. There are plenty of televisions to pass the time, along with a decent jukebox (ranked 4 out of 10). The staff is incredible, very outgoing and quick with the chitchat. There's plenty of room at the bar to sit around, and tables for those with weak backs ("When did your get weak back? Oh, about a week back" - that's one of FMO's favorite jokes). The New Yorker is a quiet establishment, but does get a lil' rowdy on the weekends, with the appearance of karaoke, the drunkard theatre student's best friend. This author has never experienced it, but hears very good stuff about it, indeed. All in all, the New Yorker is a good stop on a night, but it's rather bare accessories make it a Tandem, rather than a Solo kind of place. Use it in unison with some of the other stops on the Strip and you will have a swingin' time.
Ranking: TANDEM, with big ups to chances of seeing local drug addicts and popcorn

2. The Old Friar Inn
This is an old people establishment. And I mean "Cash the social security, Martha, we're going to have a stiff drink tonight.... and then gum each other" kind of old people place. The specials are decent, as you get a pitcher of Yuengling for four or five bucks every night although they will give you a freakin' shot glass-equivalent to consume it out of. The juke is incredibly diverse (ranked 3 out of 10) because in this case "diverse" means, "There's lots of Van Halen" in it. And bands like that. Looks like it hasn't gotten an update date since George Dubya was only blowing lines, and not Dick Cheney.

Heyoooooooooooo! - Political joke! You are correct, O Webmeister!
Thanks, Ed McMahon. You're a doll.

The decorations are hilarious, as every promotional campaign from the 80s and early 90s are in use. You almost expect Spuds Mackenzie to walk to through the door at any moment (Would people really buy beer from a dog in a Hawaiian shirt? Thank God I was too young to drink). There's even a poster of naked ladies on the wall above the jukebox/cigarette machine wall, and I think my sister blushed when she saw it. I mean "them"...I mean…never mind.
All in all, the Old Friar Inn is another tandem establishment, to be used in any sort of combination with another place. If you come in and are too "loud", meaning under 60 - you will probably get some stare downs from World War II vets that say "Band of Brothers" sucked because they lived it. So, go for a quiet drink (read: almost no pulse) and then scurry onto another juke joint.
Ranking: TANDEM, with big ups to befriending an elderly person and weaseling your way into their will.

3. Harry Tuft's Public House
Although owned by the family that produced the hottest girl in my high school, Harry Tuft's comes in low on the ranking. And no, that's not because she wouldn't date me. When we had the extreme misfortune to venture into Harry Tuft's on Cal's 21st, we were greeted with Frosty the Snowman glares, little children crying and eerie quiet. One almost expected the obligatory record screech or the mustachioed man at the piano to run for cover. Now granted, we were bombed and it was only 7pm on Saturday night, right smack in the middle of "Honey, Let's Take the Kids Out for a Special Treat" dinner night, but the place is wacksidasical.
All in all (I am beginning to love that expression), Harry Tuft's could be a very fine place. I hear it has fine chicken wings and other delicious tavern food, but there isn't enough data to support that rumor. If you have to go here, make sure it's in the beginning of the night. And don't bring Jason "Meat" Donlin.
Ranking: TANDEM, with big ups to Becky Lee.

4. The SportsPage
Oh, now we are TALKING. The SportsPage is freakin' out of control. During football season, they have every game playing on their massive selection of televisions. During the summer, there's a volleyball league that plays out back. There's outdoor seating for those warm months (basically July and August in the Binghamton area). There's a friendly bartender, Jarrod, who hooks up all people that know and some that not. He patrols the elliptical, seats-on-both-side bar, where you can stare other people in the face, while running away from your problems. The food is wonderful and moderately priced. If you have a Dine-A-Mate coupon book lying around the house (my advice would be to check the drawer under the telephone) look for the two-for-one pizza deal, where you can get two huge pizzas for only six bucks. There are specials on the weekends, but you don't really need them that much, as much of the stuff is cheap. The jukebox is ok (5 out of 10), but you don't really need to play it because there's a great sporting even on the television, or you can yell across the bar to ChrisO about how much the Lakers suck. My suggestions would be as such, order up a pitcher of a lil' sumpin' sumpin', get two pizzas and let SportsPage do the rest. This is one-stop shopping for an evening out, just ask the staff from Camp Susquehannock. One warning - never tell jokes about deaf people inside, the part owner is very sensitive about that. The full story? Maybe in another column...
All in all, rock and roll at SportsPage. Sundays and Tuesdays are both great.
Ranking: SOLO, with big ups to Jarrod, the pizza, Yuengling Black and Tans, and Nicole Verrastro's Vodka and Cranberries

5. Kelly's
What the SportsPage lacks in appearance (it only LOOKS like a hole in the wall), Kelly's makes up for in flim-flammery. Kelly's is the Cinderella to the SportsPage's wicked stepsisters, and we ALL know who came out better from that...oh wait, never mind. But seriously, Kelly's is definitely a step above in appearance. And you are going to pay for that. Where you would pay $5 for a pitcher at SportPage, you pay 7 or 8 bucks for one of the same frothy goodness at Kelly's. And though the menu at Kelly's may be larger, the food isn't necessarily better. But enough about comparing the two. Kelly's is also a more than solid Solo outing bar. There's rumored to be over half a million dollars of sports memorabilia within its walls, including a portrait of Nolan Ryan made out of macaroni. The jukebox is the best on the Strip (ranked 8.2 out of 10), where you can find the best of all genres. Kelly's also has a front and back bar, with two separate seating areas, so it's possible to miss your friends who might be sitting in the other section; it's been known to happen. There's a lot of room at Kelly's, so big parties would do well to come out here. Billiards is always being played, but you must bring your own darts if you want to represent like Charles "Rip-Ass" H. Thornton, ESQ.
All in all (there it is again), Kelly's is another great all-night extravaganza. We had the fortunate experience of ringing in New Year's there, and a fantastic time was had by all. Using it solo or tandem gives you a lot of freedom, and either have their strengths. And the Nolan Ryan portrait is not really made out of macaroni.
Ranking: SOLO, with big ups to space, two rooms, great sandwiches

6. Stu's Place
Worst comes to worst; I'd head there. Right across the street from the West Endicott Engine #2 fire station, Stu's place advertises great sandwiches "served daily", as opposed to once every other day, like other places. It looks like a Swedish fort located somewhere on a fjord, except with a Nascar poster in the window.
…Is it apparent that I haven't been there?
I've also never met anyone that's even gone there, so we'll move on. Just remember that it IS a bar (we think).
Ranking: TANDEM, with big ups to heading there at the tail end of the night, so perhaps waking up the next afternoon with no recollection.

7. Big Daddy O's
Good times prevail at the BDO's, as a picture of a fat man in traditional Scottish golfing attire greets you as you enter. The good times pretty much peter off after that…Big Daddy O's claim to fame would be tavern food and karaoke. There's also a really large parking lot. But that's about it. Don't expect to get rowdy there, because the clientele is very familiar with each other (read: imbred). No information on the jukebox or the specials, we didn't want to disturb the morgue-like atmosphere.
Ranking: TANDEM, if anything.

8. Woody's Pub
The last stop on our tour is a return trip to a class establishment. Woody's is a kind of place that makes going out more worthwhile than sitting in your basement or garage funneling 40s of Country Club beer. Woody's features nightly specials that bring in the good cheer live music on the many nights a week, a great front porch to lounge around on during the summer. Consider Woody's the cool uncle that had that cool-ass bachelor pad, let you eat pizza all day, and had the wicked collection of porn. Well, you'll feel the same way about Woody's when you find out that same uncle likes to touch children.

…What am I even writing…?

Ranking: SOLO, big ups to the crazy specials, live music and close location to the Price Chopper supermarket

Conclusion: The West Endicott Strip is a tour de force for nightlife in the Southern Tier region. Utilizing these establishments in tendem or flossing at them solo is up to you, CC.C has given you the facts. Now take them and run, run run.