Week Ninety-Seven - "Are Creed and Britney Spears really as bad as Matt Rich says they are?"

"I agree with anything Matt Rich has to say, even if he's talking aboot me behind my back. Oh yeah, and Creed sucks ass...Britney on the other hand could suck any part of my body she wanted, and I'd still have nothing bad to say about her. Her music if you can call it that shall remain a separate issue entirely."
-Gabe

"Oh no! They are MUCH worse!"
-Anonymous

"I would like to take this opportunity to respond to Matt’s article by first concurring that yes, music in this present day in age has taken a definite turn for the worst (Although I would like to lay claim to the fact that Matty is notorious for listening to “old school” Geto Boys shit). I will admit that I go against the majority of my gender when it comes to “Britney Issues”, I actually do not mind her (Hey, at least she’s not that slut bag Christina Agulera or Shakira - whose “Breast’s are small and humble, so you don’t confuse them with mountains”). She is a brilliant concoction by the music industry to keep young girls dressing sluty and “staying easy” for the next generation of guys. Without her help (and the help of other icons, like Madonna), I’m sure none of you guys could sit here and be able to go through a roster and check off the number of people a designated girl has slept with off of one sports team. I think you should thank her. Because of her influence, your sons will continue to know the meaning of such labels as “the team bicycle” and “puck sluts”. So honestly, Britney is not that bad. She gives lonely post-pubescent boys something to look at, and she supplies the next generation of boys with easy, new sluts, who are trying to emulate her. So in the words of the all-knowing Adam Sandler: "Old Man River--zip it, or I’ll break your hip" (I could also make reference to his old.... BALLS here, but that would just be cruel).
In switching to Creed, I would just like to point out that Matt’s brother bought me a Creed compact disc at the same time he supplied me with Pearl Jam’s "Live on Two Legs". Mike “Only Creed is Worse” Rich has contributed to Scott Stapp’s record sales. Maybe Matt should check within his own family to witness the corruption he so utterly detests. Basically, THE MAN called, and his brother accepted the charges. You make the call."
-Melissa “No Matt, I am not bringing my head basket down to the river to do my laundry” Seelman

"Both, without a doubt suck, and I can't wait until Brittany Spears is
A) in rehab after a nasty coke addiction and many sexual fiasco's in the news, or
B) she kills herself after in a drinking-related accident her face is scarred.
Also Creed lead singer Scott Staph will lose his clout in the religious world aftre his nasty child touching habit is made public. Oddly enough, he will start spending a lot of time hanging out with Jane's Addiction in the aftermath. All things considered, is anything really as bad as Matt Rich says it is?"
-The Bob

"Does Britney Spears really sing? I have no idea everytime I see her in anything I mute the TV and turn on Porn Music. I then proceed to watch her fun-bags bounce up and down. Creed rules!"
-"Dan 'What Girl Wouldn't Want Me?' Baker"

"Yeah I think so. Britney can't sing to save her life, and the only reason she is popular is because she has the look. All of Creed's songs sound the same, which is pretty aggravating if you ask me. Rock on Matt! You know wha'ts going on!"
-Karen Erickson, Woonsocket

"FUCKING BADFORD (AKA HUBERFORD OR SIEVEFORD OR WORSTFORD) GETS HIS OWN 'WE MISS FIVEHOLEFORD' SECTION? THIS IS A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE! MATTY RICH WAS THE HEART AND SOUL OF THE DANES AND TAUGHT ALL OF HIS FOLLOWERS HEART, INTESTINAL FORTITUDE, AND HOW TO PICK UP CHICKS. AND DOES HE GET A SECTION DEDICATED TO HIM? NOOOOOOOOO. CLEVERCITIZEN.COM GIVES ONE INSTEAD TO THAT KEVIN KELLY/CARTMAN LOOKALIKE WITH THE .750 SAVE PERCENTAGE! CANCEL MY DAMN SUBSCRIPTION! p.s. Creed is not good. Britney has big tits. Thank you."
-Anonymous

"Let me tell you something, Britney Spears is hot. Period. We go on road trips and buy Britney videos to keep ourselves entertained. I'm sure I will punched by my fair maiden, but I have to be honest. Matthew J . Rich is about as Anti The Man as anyone I know. Thank God my brother is into those no talent ass clown bands, like Creed. We all know my postion on Creed, THEY MAKE MY ASS STING. I also agree with his Pearl Jam references. How can one like Creed? They're just plain bad. Creed is the antithesis of everything wrong with commercialized America. I hope their plane crashes into a freaking ocean. My sacrifice...ya, fuckin' right....if you want to sing about God, that's cool. But don't put an unchanging drum beat behind it and pretend it's music and cool. Fuck all that, hopefully Phish will tour in the fall. Fuck Creed and their sacrifice. Only freaking Staind is worse."
Mikey "I Want To Take You Higher" Rich

"I love Jesus."
-"'Lucious' Jon Ladenheim"

"Matt Rich is a douche bag."
-Anonymous

"I love Creed. Creed is the best band in the world. I personally celebrate their whole catalog from "My Own Prison" to "With Arms Wide Open". Their music moves me in a way no other band can. It may have something to do with my religious upbringing, but that aside they are kick ass. I hate the people that say all their songs sound the same...just listen to the CD its proof that they do not. The only way they could be better is if they were backed BY THE MAN. As for Britney Spears she is just hot, how could you deny her?"
-"Mike 'I Love Creed' Rich"

"Nope. Worse. Britney, at least."
-Elisa
elise@rice.edu

"I would just like to add that while I agree with Matty's distinctions and evaluations of the two major suck artists, when he was talking of some of the talented bands that freed us from hair rock hell, he omitted some notable pioneers. Stone Temple Pilots brought us a grunge flexibility to rock, loud and fast ("Sex Type Thing"), or bring us a mellower yet still innovative and catchy song. ("Interstate Love Song"). Also, while Britney is not rock, neither are the seemingly endlessly creative Beastie Boys. Arguably the only talented white rap artists, they have also showed a tremendous flexibility to either be strong and loud ("No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn", "Fight For Your Right"), catchy through lyrics and sampling ("Sure Shot", "Whatcha Want") or innovative with new sounds and voice manipulation. ("Intergalactic") These are just some of the innovators that helped to bring us to music excellence, and are now being forgotten during a time when music seems tailored to those holding the endorsement contracts. Music today sucks, fuck: n'sync, brittany, mandy, creed, jessica, shakira, backdoor boys, eve 6, destiny's child, and all the other musical 'talents' that will continue to make a buck off the ignorance of the young through small outifts, trendy hair, stupid commercials, insencere and shallow lyrics, and ridiculous posters. I hope a Richie Valens, Big Bopper-like tragedy befalls all of you, and your pop culture burns with your $600 white t-shirt and leather pants."
-Robert "The Bob" Bedford

"Anything Matt Rich says is the Gospel."
-Dude

"Creed is only popular because all their fans:
A) Warn us of the evils of the internet, and thus forego Napsteration to pop $15 bucks for something they could hear on AM Radio Sunday morning,
B) Have plenty of money from their lucrative lawn-cutting, paper-route, or lemonade stand businesses, C) Actually believe that Scott (What the fuck is his last name again?) would actually have the marbles to get in the ring with Fred Durst, let alone last longer than Sonny Liston against Ali, and
D) Are just a bunch of tools in the toolbox.
Britney, you ask? (starts drooling and puts bookbag over lap)........Ohhhhhhhh.....uh huh huh huh.......mmmmmmmmmm..Um...What were we talking about again?"
-Dude

"Fast Fact: U.S. Olympic Goalie Mike Dunham is from Johnson City, NY. See, not every goalie from there sucks!"
-Anonymous